Peonies
by sillybella
Summary: I return every year to watch the peonies bloom. Bella planted them to remind me of our love. “Because you won’t change me, and someday I’m going to die.” It's been twenty years since I left. Did she have the happy human life I wanted for her? AU E/B
1. Planting Secrets

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob doesn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learns that he is a werewolf another way.

_**Planting Secrets**_

_Spring, 2006_

by silly bella

When I arrived at Charlie's house, I found Bella digging in the backyard. She had ripped up the earth leaving a dark scar in the green lawn. Dirt covered her from head to toe. I watched her for a moment, as she chewed her lower lip and furrowed her brow while she concentrated on patting the soil down with a shovel.

"What are you doing?"

Her smile beamed as she glanced at me, utterly pleased with herself. "I'm planting flowers."

"Do you need help?"

She sighed and shook her head. "I want to do it myself."

"Any particular reason you want to do it yourself?" I sat on the damp ground beside her and tried to wait patiently for her answer.

"I want…" she paused, "I want to plant them myself because I want them to remind you of me."

I frowned. "Why?" I shook my head. "Why do I need flowers to remind me of you?"

She squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed before she spoke. "Because you won't change me, and someday I'm going to die. But you'll still be here. Well, maybe not _here_, exactly, but you can come here even if you don't live here. And see them and think of me." Her voice broke. "Unless, of course, you change your mind." Tears welled in her eyes. "I picked peonies. They can live for a hundred years or more, so they'll be here for a long time. And they spread, so the new peonies keep coming up. As long as no one digs them up, they'll always be here." The tears started to spill.

"Bella," I whispered. "Bella, please don't cry." She leaned against me, sobbing.

"I didn't mean to cry," her words tumbled out. "I really didn't."

If only I could make her understand. "I know, Bella. And it _is_ a beautiful idea." I kissed her forehead. "And peonies are quite appropriate."

She pulled back and gazed into my eyes. "What do you mean?"

"When I was… human… people used to send coded messages in flowers. Peonies stood for secret love or a love that was somehow forbidden."

"Why not eternal love, since they live for so long?"

I smiled. "The way the petals in the center clench together, it's like they are hiding a secret."

"But why forbidden?" She relaxed and leaned back, taking my hand in hers. I smudged the dirt I found there with my thumb.

"There is a Chinese legend about a young scholar who loved to garden. One day a young maiden visited him. He hired her as his servant and she helped him to care for his garden. As time passed, they became lovers." I raised her hand to my lips. "One day a moralist visited and the scholar could not find his love. He searched his home for her and finally found her, a shadowy specter fading into the wall."

She whispered, "What happened?"

"She explained that she was the soul of his peony, and that she had been warmed into human shape by his love. But she knew the moralist would not approve of their relationship; that she must return to the flowers. The scholar mourned for her and tended his garden with dedication, searching for her, longing for her return, but he never saw her again."

"How sad," she frowned.

I cupped her face in my hand. "Peonies are also associated with the moon, and you are only supposed to cut them at night. But if you left them blooming, they would light your way in the darkness." I pressed my lips against hers. She reached behind me and opened her lips against mine. I took her hands in mine and pulled away. "The way you light up my darkness." She leaned against me once more and I wrapped her in my arms. I didn't want to think about the future, at least not so far ahead as her death. I comforted myself by listening to the sound of her heartbeat.


	2. A Light in the Darkness

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**A Light in the Darkness**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

I'd never seen her again after I left her in the woods that day. The first year was unbearable. Actually, every year since then, every day since then had been unbearable, unending darkness. But Bella deserved a normal, happy, human life. A life I could never give her.

Still, I returned each year when the peonies bloomed. I saw Charlie, although he never saw me. But Charlie wouldn't be here this time. I'd read over the local newspapers and noted that Charlie had died just after New Year's. I wasn't sure whether or not Bella had sold the house. I wondered what I would find when I reached the edge of the forest.

The wind blew the scent of the peonies toward the house, but I could still smell them. I knew they were still there. Then, in the darkness, I could see the white blooms. They didn't glow in the dark like the legends, but they reflected even the tiniest sliver of light from the moon. I had no trouble finding them. But I wasn't prepared to see _her_.

She sat on a wrought iron glider, staring into the dark sky. Still beautiful, she looked more fragile than ever. She'd cut her hair as short as Alice's, but I liked it. I watched her, rocking back and forth in the still quiet morning. As the sun rose in the sky, its rays shimmering around her. She looked like an angel.

I saw a light flash on upstairs. I listened carefully as someone walked downstairs and into the kitchen. In a few moments, he opened the back door and came out with two mugs.

"There you are. I wondered where you were when I didn't see you in the bed." _She looks okay. I shouldn't worry so much._ He settled down beside her in the glider. "I brought you some coffee."

His voice was familiar, somehow, but I couldn't quite place it.

Bella laughed. I smiled at the sound. She reached for the mug and took a sip. "When did you have time to make coffee?"

"I put it on a timer." He laughed, too. Then he ran his fingers through her hair. "I can't get used to this." I heard something stirring in the house. He seemed to hear it, too. _They're awake._ He sat the mug on a table beside the glider, and said, almost apologetically, "I'll be right back."

Sure enough, he returned with amazing speed, for a human. He seemed to have something stuffed under each arm like a football. "Which one do you want?" he asked.

Bella reached up. "It doesn't matter."

"Why don't you take them both? I'll warm the bottles." He settled both bundles in her arms.

I felt the jealousy burning in my throat. She's married. She has children. But this was what I wanted for her. Something I could never have given her.

He returned with a bottle for each baby, sat them both on the table beside his mug and took one of the children from her arms. Then he passed her a bottle, and finally, took one himself and began to feed the baby he held.

"Now why don't you tell me why you were out here so early this morning?" he laughed, but it hid worry. _Did she sleep any at all? Has she been sick this morning?_

She sighed. "I wanted to watch the sun rise. It's not something you get to see that often in Washington."

They sat for a moment, comfortably quiet. It seemed so intimate. I clenched my hands into fists, snapping a twig in one of them. His head snapped in my direction, and his eyes narrowed as he scanned the woods. How could he have heard that? He relaxed and returned his attention to the baby.

Bella shivered. He noticed. "Cold?" He raised his eyebrows and waited for her to answer.

"Just a chill." She laughed as he placed his arm around her shoulders. "Someone walking over my grave, I guess."

"That's not funny, Bella." His face was grim.

"It is, and you know it, Jacob Black." She smiled weakly, but it didn't reach her eyes.

Jacob Black? She married Jacob Black? I stared. No wonder he seemed familiar. He'd been just a child when I left, but he stood taller than me now, more like Emmett. I had to face the fact that he was a man. More specifically, he was _her_ man. What had I expected? How could I want something so much for her and be so angry about it at the same time?

She spoke softly this time, "Jacob, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that laughter makes it hurt less."

Makes what hurt less? What is she talking about? Why does she hurt?

"How can you laugh about dying, Bella?"

Dying? What is he talking about? She's too young to die!

"I've come to terms with it," she paused. "Really, I have."

"Well, I haven't." _I can't._

Coming to terms with what?

They sat in silence again. It was Bella who finally spoke. "When does Ellen get home?"

"This afternoon. She's working a double shift at the hospital."

Who is Ellen? Do they have a child old enough to work?

"It's really good of you both to do this, Jacob. I knew I could count on you, but I wasn't sure how Ellen would feel about it."

He smiled and ran his hand through her hair again. "She loves you too, Bella. She knows that you're family. We aren't going to make you go through this alone." _You've been through enough. You will not go through this alone or in some cold hospital bed. Not as long as I'm alive. _

What is he talking about? Go through what alone?

"She's good for you."

He ducked his head and laughed. "I know," he said sheepishly. I saw an image of a woman pass through his mind. She must be Ellen.

A woman, not a child. Not a daughter, then. A wife? So Bella isn't married to Jacob?

"I probably won't get to see the new baby," she whispered. Tears spilled from her eyes. His arm wrapped around her shoulders again, this time for reassurance. She leaned into him. "You've always been there for me, Jacob."

"And I always will be, Bella." His forehead touched hers. "And Ellen will be, too." _I will do everything I possibly can to take care of you. And Ellen is a nurse. She knows what we're in for._

"Thank you."

He lifted the baby in his arms to his shoulder and began to pat the child's back as he talked. "So. Want to tell me why you're really out here?" He scowled. _As if I didn't know._

"You can still read me like a book. How do you do that?"

"I pay attention, Bella. It's all in your face." He looked into the woods, hesitating before he spoke again. "It's him, isn't it? You're thinking about him."

Who is he? Her husband? Why isn't he here? Bella frowned and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and looked up into the woods, directly at me. She can't possibly see me.

She turned back to Jacob. "I don't believe I ever stopped thinking about him."

"You still love him, after all this time." He wasn't asking. She merely nodded in response.

Who did she love? Who took my place? And why wasn't he here?

"He left you."

She swallowed, but didn't speak. She placed the bottle on the table beside her and raised the baby, rocking gently. "You don't just stop loving people, Jacob. Not if you really loved them to begin with. Love can change and become a different type of love," she smiled at him, "but it doesn't just stop."

"I'll never understand the way you talk about him. He isn't a person. None of them are." _He hurt you. How can you can you still love him?_

"You don't have to be human to be a person, Jacob." She held his gaze. "You should know that. And you don't have to be a human to deserve to be loved."

I shook my head. NO. She can't mean…

She laughed. The sound was harsh, brittle. "I planted those peonies when I thought he loved me, too. I wanted him to change me so I could be with him forever. But he wouldn't. I planted the peonies because they live so long. So he could remember me when I was gone." She closed her eyes, blinking away tears. "Do you see the irony? I planted them so he could remember me when they bloomed. Instead, I'm remembering him."

He stared at her. _She wanted to BE one of THEM? How could she want that? And he wouldn't do it?_

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She was supposed to forget me. To move on.

"I didn't just lose him. I lost all of them. I never had a chance to even tell them goodbye." The tears began to spill again.

He frowned and seemed to be holding tightly to some hidden emotion. He took a deep breath. _It hasn't been this hard to hold back the anger in years. _He struggled to speak. "If you want, I'll take you out to the house. I know it's not like they'll be there, but it might offer some type of closure, if that's what you're looking for." _I can't believe I said that. _

The shock registered in her face. "You would do that?"

_I hope I don't regret this._ He nodded, silently.

What was I missing? Obviously, Billy had finally convinced his son that my family really was a group of vampires. But there was something more.

"I'm going to take Isabella and Emily for a walk. But I'm going to take you upstairs to rest before I leave. Just let me put them in the stroller." Again, he cradled a baby in each arm and took them into the house.

Bella stared at the peonies, crying, until he came back outside. Carefully, he picked her up. "Tired?" he asked quietly. She nodded and leaned her head against his chest as he carried her away.


	3. Monsters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**Monsters**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

I couldn't move. I could barely fathom what I'd heard. Bella said she never stopped loving me. She still loves me. I haven't felt like this in twenty years. I thought I'd never feel like this again. Just seeing her was a miracle, but this, this was closer than I ever thought I'd come to heaven. At least, since I left her.

Then it dawned on me: I was rejoicing because she still loved me. Did that mean she hadn't lived that happy, normal, human life I wanted for her? Did I take that away from her, too? I had to find out.

I'm not sure how long I sat there in the woods, but it was long enough for Jacob to return. He walked into the yard, closed his eyes, and breathed deeply. When he opened his eyes, he looked directly at me.

"I know you're out there," he muttered under his breath. "I know you can hear me, too."

How could he know I was here? It wasn't humanly possible.

"If you're one of them, then come out and show yourself. We need to talk." A rumble erupted from his chest. "If you're not a Cullen, then get ready to die."

Then I realized: It wasn't _humanly_ possible. But Jacob Black was a Quileute. He wasn't _human_. He knew I was here. He'd been smelling the air for my scent when he came out. Jacob Black was a werewolf. I'd missed it because I wasn't expecting it. That, and the wind was in his direction. I wonder when he realized I was here? What does he want? He said we need to talk. I shrugged my shoulders and stepped out of the cover of the woods.

He glared at me. I could read the pure hatred in his eyes. It was more than natural instinct. He hated _me_, personally. It didn't take Jasper's gift to feel the waves of anger emanating from him.

"You were here earlier." It was a statement, not a question. I nodded. "I thought I heard something. It was you." I nodded again. "Why are you here?"

He had the information I wanted. The only way to get it was to play along. I could lie, but then, so could he. I might as well tell the truth and hope he would do the same. "I come each year. When the peonies bloom."

"Why?"

"She told you this morning why she planted them. Is it so difficult to understand?"

He narrowed his eyes. "That was before you left her. When she believed that you loved her."

I hung my head. She'd believed me. All this time, she thought I never really loved her. I'd hurt her so much and all I ever wanted to do was protect her, give her a normal life. Surely a werewolf could understand that a love between a vampire and a human was dangerous. At least, for the human. That she was safer without me. "It was a lie. When I told her I didn't love her."

_Damned leech. You hurt her on purpose._ He raised his eyebrows. I had shocked him. "Why would you lie about something like that?" He asked as his eyes filled with loathing.

"I would think, as much as you abhor me, you'd understand." I could see it in my head, the hurt on her face when I told her I was leaving. We were leaving. "I tried to tell her I was no good for her. That being around me just placed her in danger. But she wouldn't let go. So I lied for her own good. So she could be happy."

He laughed. He was laughing at me! Why? It took me a moment to realize the laughter hid his anger.

"That's rich." He shook his head. "You left her so she could be happy. Do you have any idea what you did to her when you left? You sucked the life right out of her as surely as if you'd taken every drop of her blood. But you left so she could be happy."

"Tell me." I held his gaze. "What happened?"

"Tell me first. Where did you leave her?" His face showed no emotion. He was almost as good at it as I was. _Why did you take her into the woods in the first place?_

His question surprised me. Why does he care where I told her goodbye? I pointed to my right. Even after all these years, I knew the exact spot where I stood when I told the worst lie of my life. Where she stood when her face crumpled in pain because of my words. "There. Underneath that tree."

_So it was the truth._ He sighed. "That's what she said. I always thought she was protecting you. Charlie thought so, too." He raised his eyebrows. "And my Dad, of course." _He always hated you._

"Protecting me?" I didn't understand. What on earth is he talking about?

Apparently, he understood my confusion because he explained, "She didn't stay there. She followed you into the woods. It started to rain. It got dark. She didn't come home." He spat the words out like a drumbeat. "Charlie sent out a search party. There were lots of volunteers. The elders sent the pack members to help. They were worried that you had hurt her." He paused, then spoke purposefully, "Hurt her physically, I mean."

"I would never…"

He nodded and said, "She told me you wouldn't bite her, change her. That she asked you to do it and you refused." I nodded, impatient to hear the rest. "Sam Uley, he was the pack leader at the time, he found her. When he found her, she was rolled into a little ball on the ground. She just kept saying 'he's gone' over and over."

Why would she go farther into the woods? I could see the image in his head, just as he'd seen it. I shut my eyes, but it didn't go away.

"You can see it, can't you? Not just tell what I'm thinking, but actually see the images in my mind." I nodded. "I didn't really believe her when she said you can hear other people's thoughts. But not hers, right?"

She talked to him about me? Told him what I could do? I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Nodding again, I asked, "So you were there?"

"No."

"Then how do you have the image in your mind like you were?"

I could tell he didn't want to answer, but he finally did. "We have something like your talent. The pack shares knowledge when we're in wolf form. I saw it in Sam's mind. Now it's part of my memory."

Interesting. "Go on. What else happened?"

"Charlie said she stayed in her room for a week. She was awake, but she didn't eat or talk; nothing. He called her mother to come get her." He winced. "He thought she might need to be hospitalized and he just couldn't do it." I could tell this wasn't easy for him to talk about.

"Hospital?"

"A _mental_ hospital," he said coldly. "She was catatonic." He waited for that to sink in. I shook my head, horrified, and he continued. "When she realized her mother planned to take her away from Forks, she threw a fit and insisted on staying. Charlie always believed that she wouldn't leave because she thought you would contact her."

She wasn't supposed to take it so badly. It wasn't supposed to hurt her the way it hurt me.

Jacob continued, "It was months before I saw her. She looked terrible. She'd lost about 15 pounds. She had horrible shadows under her eyes. No animation in her expression. She showed up at my house one day with a couple of old motorcycles. She wanted me to fix them and then teach her to ride."

Motorcycles? What was she thinking? Bella on a motorcycle? The thought made me cringe.

He must have noticed my response, because he nodded. "I know, not a good idea. If I hadn't been young and stupid, I might have thought twice about it. But I was thrilled with the idea of riding a motorcycle, and even more thrilled with the idea of spending time with Bella."

I could feel the jealousy as a growl rose unbidden from my throat. He loved her, too.

"Hold your temper, bloodsucker. It was your own fault. She needed somebody and I was there." He smiled. "We spent time together. She watched while I worked on the motorcycles and we talked. About almost everything. But she wouldn't talk about you. That came a lot later. She wouldn't even say your name. I noticed that when anyone mentioned you, especially if they mentioned you or your family by name, she had trouble breathing." He pursed his lips tightly and took a deep breath. "She hurt so much, but she wasn't angry at you, the way I expected her to be. She didn't seem to have any emotions at all. There was no life in her at all. It was like you killed her, only she was still walking around."

His words spun in my head. How could I have misjudged the situation so much?

"We spent a lot of time in the ER. You know Bella. Imagine her on a motorcycle." He grimaced.

I caught an image of Bella bleeding. Then she said something about Jacob needing a jacket and being 'sort of beautiful.' She thought he was beautiful. She cared about him, too. Did she love him? Had she gone from one monster to another? That wasn't how it was supposed to happen. Then an image of him holding her hand in the ER while a doctor stitched her up. And how did he end up married to someone else? Did he leave her too? But then why would she be here, with him, now, if that had happened?

"I fell head over heels for her, in case you're wondering." He stared at me. It looked like a challenge. "I think I helped her, at least for a while. She started to smile again, at least sometimes." I saw an image of Bella smiling. "But she made it clear that she didn't feel the same. Still, I thought things might eventually change." He sighed and clenched his teeth. "I had no idea how much things would change. For both of us."

Sadness and anger competed to control his emotions. "What do you mean?"

That angry laugh again. "Well, you know what happened to me."

I couldn't help but laugh. It wasn't quite as bitter as his, but I did understand. I knew what it was like to become a monster.

"Ironic, isn't it? I never believed the legends until they bit me in the ass. You get it from one side, well, chances are good you'll turn, but you get it from both sides, like I did." He shook his head. "Anyway, I knew I had to stay away from her. I saw what Sam did to Emily when he was trying to learn control." An image of a beautiful woman with horrible scars flashed by. "I was terrified of hurting Bella. But at the same time, I wanted so much to be around her. It didn't help that Sam had forbidden me to tell her. She just didn't understand. She even showed up at La Push to find out what was going on."

"No instinct for self preservation," I mumbled.

He actually grinned at me. "That's one way to put it." He laughed. _I guess he knows what I'm talking about. I never thought I'd have anything in common with a leech._ _At least, other than becoming a monster._ "It hurt not to tell her. But I was too dangerous to be around her, trying to learn self-control and basic skills. Most of the time, we were busy looking for that bloodsucker who was killing people in the woods."

"A new vampire in Forks?" How could I have been so stupid? Of course there would be new vampires in Forks. I'd left Bella so vulnerable. She smelled especially good to me, but the others weren't unaffected.

Nodding, he continued, "We killed him. But not before he nearly killed Bella. She'd hiked up to a meadow. When he first showed up, they talked. She seemed to know him, and we were worried about the treaty for a while. But he was going for her and I really didn't give a damn about the treaty when it came to her safety."

"Thank you, Jacob Black. You saved Bella. For that, I owe you a debt that I can never repay." But he said she knew him? The only other vampires she knew were Laurent and Victoria. And James, but he was dead.

His face grew dark. "But I couldn't save her from everything."

What else tried to hurt her? I was afraid to ask, so I just waited.

"Charlie felt so guilty afterward. He'd said she needed to get out. He'd made her go when the girls showed up. There was a party that night, and then they were staying over at one of the girls' houses." I could feel the anger again, but this time, it didn't seem directed towards me. "They were monsters. They were worse that either of us, what they did to her. They drugged her drink and took her away from the party. The girls thought she'd gotten a ride home because she didn't want to be there in the first place. Charlie thought she was with the girls overnight. It wasn't until she didn't come home the next day that anybody knew she'd been missing."

Anger shook my whole body. My hands clenched into fists. I had an idea what was coming next. I couldn't speak.

"It was bad. It wasn't enough for them to rape her. They worked her over, too. When they finished, they dropped her out where the 110 meets the 101. The ER doctor said her injuries were consistent with being rolled out of a moving car."

I tried to stay calm. They. Not him, they. "There was more than one?" I wanted to scream. Not Bella. No, please, not Bella. Not this. Not her!If I could dream, this would have been a nightmare.

"There were five of them." His fists were clenched, too. "Sam and I found her. We didn't know she was out there, it was by accident. We were hunting another vampire. A female with red hair. We thought she was the mate of the one we'd killed earlier."

Victoria. She'd gone looking for Bella. I was tracking Victoria on the wrong continent, and all the while, Bella was here, exposed and helpless.

"We'd never been able to figure out what she was doing. We expected her to come after us for killing her mate. But she just kept trying to break through our patrols. Apparently, she was hunting Bella, but we had no idea until afterwards. The female bloodsucker found her there, helpless, barely conscious on the shoulder of the road." He hung his head. "Bella didn't scream at all. She just lay there, waiting. She didn't scream until we showed up. She saw us kill the leech. That made her scream." _I wish she hadn't seen that._

"So you saved her a second time?" Thank you. I can never repay you.

He nodded and kept talking, not allowing me a chance to tell him again how grateful I was. "She was amazing at the hospital, talking to the doctors, to the police. Charlie was completely berserk. But after that, she shut down again. Not catatonic, like before, but there wasn't much that could get through." He stared at me. _Not nearly as bad as before, though._

I understood what he was saying. I had hurt her more than they had.

"She figured out my secret, though, and showed up at La Push to talk to me about it. I thought she'd be horrified. She'd screamed so much when she saw us fight." He wrinkled his brow. "But she wasn't scared of us. She was scared _for_ us. She hadn't wanted us to get hurt protecting her!"

"That sounds like Bella. When we killed Victoria's mate, she was worried about my family. A psychotic, homicidal vampire was trying to kill her, and she was worried about us." I closed my eyes, remembering.

Jacob nodded. "She told me about that. She explained about the redhead's mate in Phoenix. Showed me the scar. Said you'd sucked the venom out to save her life. I had a hard time believing it until I felt the scar. It was cold. She also talked about the first leech we killed, up in the meadow. He'd told her the female wanted her, would be coming for her. She'd been terrified and had no one to tell."

I saw an image of Bella in his mind, her voice quivering as she spoke. _"I just hoped she'd stop with me and not kill Charlie."_

"She thought the other one was still out there. The male. She was relieved that we'd killed him, too. After that, she talked to me about you. Since I already knew what you were, she didn't feel like she was exposing your secret. It was a relief for her to actually talk to someone about how she felt." The anger was back.

"It wasn't supposed to be like that," I whispered. "I thought she'd move on."

He didn't speak for a moment, leaving me to my sorrow. Then he made it worse. "She never stopped loving you. For a while there, I thought I had a chance, but then, after that night…It was years before she actually dated anyone again. We've always been friends. My wife, Ellen, was a little jealous at first. Then she met Bella." He shrugged. "How can anyone not love Bella?"

"What about Bella? Did she marry?" I wasn't sure what answer I really wanted to hear.

"Eventually. About six years ago."

I frowned. "Why isn't he here?"

"It didn't end well." He ground his jaw. "They tried for a while to have a baby without much luck. When they finally succeeded, Bella lost the baby early in the pregnancy." He looked away. "They couldn't stop the bleeding. She had emergency surgery. No more chances."

"So he left? Because she couldn't have children?" That wouldn't stop someone who really loved her.

"Not immediately. He stuck around for a while. He was still there when the doctors found the first lump. And later, after the cancer came back. He saw her through two surgeries and chemo. But after Charlie died, when they came up here, he left without her. She'd told him that the cancer was back and she wanted to stay here to die. That's when he left."

So that's what it is. Cancer. That explains her hair. "He knew she was dying and he left anyway? He couldn't stay with her?"

"He left the day after Charlie's funeral. Bella hadn't said anything about the cancer coming back earlier because she didn't want Charlie to know. Bella had retreated back into herself. He couldn't handle it." _It isn't easy to see someone you love like that. _

"Does he even call her?"

He sighed. "He can't. He died in a car accident on the way back to California."

No. NO! This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Bella was supposed to move on, love someone new, have children, grandchildren. She was supposed to live a happy, normal life. A human life. One where she grows old surrounded by people who love her. Not like this. It would have been better if I had stayed. I could have at least protected her, kept her safe from Laurent and Victoria. Kept her away from that party or at least protected her there. Not left her desperate enough to rely on a pack of werewolves for protection. I shut my eyes.

_He looks horrified._ "You really did love her, didn't you? I never believed your kind had emotions, but I can see it in your face."

At first, I just nodded slowly because I couldn't make myself speak. "I still love her. If I had known how things would turn out, I'd have never left."

He frowned. It was different this time, like he was making a difficult decision. _I can't believe I'm about to do this. I've completely lost my mind._ "Then there is still something you can do for her."


	4. Requiem

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**Requiem**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

Jacob carried me to the car. We were going to the Cullen's house today. I'm not sure what I expected. I'd gone there before and it didn't help, but I wasn't looking then for the same type of closure I sought now. He looked a little nervous, but he smiled and squeezed my hand as we pulled out of the driveway.

I anticipated a difficult drive through a jungle of growth, but it wasn't anything like I expected. The forest had encroached on the road, but it was still passable. Jacob followed my directions carefully, and we rode in silence until the white house rose out of the trees.

He slowed the car to a stop, took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. He hurried around to my door and lifted me out. "I guess we can sit on the porch," I said quietly.

"If that's what you want," he murmured.

I sighed. "I wish I could go inside."

"I'm pretty sure we could manage that," he smiled.

I stared at him. "What? Are you going to pick the locks?"

He wrinkled his nose as he carried me up the stairs. "I don't think I'll need to do that." I could sense his discomfort.

The new medication is good. For once, the hallucinations are pleasant.I smiled as the door opened and Edward Cullen walked out. Like Jacob, he wrinkled his nose.

"Bella?" He spoke my name like it was a question, as if he wasn't sure how I might respond. I was afraid to speak. Jacob might worry if I started talking to people who weren't there.

Then Jacob spoke. To Edward. "She's kind of weak today. You should probably carry her."

Edward held out his arms and Jacob carefully laid me in them. The sensation struck me as odd, Jacob's heat on one side Edward's coolness on the other. One thing for sure, these hallucinations are thorough. When Jacob backed off, it puzzled me. I looked from him to Edward, then to the ground. If Edward was a hallucination, how was it that Jacob was backing away? Could this whole thing be a dream?

"Bella, I thought you wanted this. You don't have to stay." I heard the panic in Jacob's voice. He must have seen my confusion. "I can take you home now if you'd rather."

I poked Edward's chest with my finger. It felt solid enough. "You're really here?" I whispered.

He laughed. "Would it be a good thing or a bad thing if I am?" he asked, his face somber.

"You wanted closure," Jacob stated. "I thought this might help."

"How did you…" I stared at Jacob, unable to finish my question.

Cool lips brushed against my cheek."Why? I don't understand. Why are you here?" I couldn't imagine why he'd come to Forks. _Not for me._ I felt the old pain rise up and struggled to breathe. Pain skittered across his face. His mouth formed a grim line.

Jacob sensed my bewilderment. "Do you want to go back now, Bella?" He pleaded with his eyes for me to leave.

I glanced at Edward. "Alice? The others?"

He nodded. "They're here, too."

Resigned, Jacob announced, "I'll be back tonight. Around nine, unless you call earlier." He caught Edward's eye. "Just a minute." He returned to the car and came back with a small canvas bag. He handed it to Edward. "Her medicine for the rest of the day. And some Ensure in case she can't hold anything else down. You did remember to get some food for her, didn't you? Crushed pineapple, applesauce, ice cream, herbal tea? The cold food is easier for her to keep down."

It reminded me of someone dropping a baby off at daycare.

Edward stared at him like he had three heads. "Of course I did."

"Take good care of her," Jacob said as he turned back toward the car, climbed slowly into it and drove away.

"Oh, Bella," Edward whispered. He kissed my forehead. His hand cupped my face and he ran his thumb over my lips.

I couldn't make my mouth form words. I couldn't breathe. All I could do was cry. I leaned my head against his shoulder and sobbed. He rubbed his hand on my shoulder and carried me into the house. Like him, it hadn't changed. He placed me gently on the couch and sat beside me. I wasn't sure what to think. I couldn't speak. I still didn't trust my voice.

He wiped the tears from my eyes. "Bella, you haven't said anything. What are you thinking?" He shook his head. "It still frustrates me, not being able to hear what your thoughts."

"It might not make sense if you _could_ hear it. I'm… stunned." I smiled weakly. "How did Jacob know you were here?"

"I saw you with him when I came to see the peonies."

The peonies? What did he care about the peonies? I remembered when I planted them. When I believed he loved me. I cried harder.

He gave me a sheepish look. "I eavesdropped. Later, he came looking for me. It wasn't a very comfortable conversation… for either of us. I wasn't sure he'd actually bring you here until I heard your voice outside."

I lowered my head. I wondered what he thought when he looked at me. I wasn't trying to kid myself. I didn't just look older. I looked like hell. Like death warmed over. He was still so beautiful, so perfect. Exactly the same. Now, more than ever, I realized I wasn't good enough for him. I was never good enough for him.

"Bella." He'd tilted his head down to see my face. "Bella, please don't cry." He wiped my tears away with his fingers.

"You didn't answer me before." I swallowed, afraid of what he might say. "Why are you here?"

He seemed disappointed. "Do you want me to leave?" His lips pressed together for a moment. "I understand if you want to see the others without me."

I tried to manage my breathing. "I don't want you to leave. I just want to understand why you came." My face burned. He used to like it when I blushed. At least, I thought he did. "It doesn't make any sense that you would be here. Too many people know you. They'd recognize you."

"The peonies. I told you earlier. I came to see the peonies." He placed his hand on my chin and lifted my face to his. "Bella, please understand. I…I never wanted to leave. None of us wanted to. But every second we spent with you, your life was in danger. I wanted you to be happy and safe. I thought leaving would protect you." His eyes held mine. "I was so wrong, so very wrong. I should never have left. I should have listened to Alice. She tried to make me change my mind."

Nothing made sense. "But it wouldn't have mattered if you had stayed. It wouldn't have changed your feelings. It wouldn't have made you love me."

His face crumpled for a moment, then returned to its marble perfection. "Quite the contrary. Nothing could ever keep me from loving you."

I shook my head. I _was _delusional. He watched me carefully, waiting from some response. "You aren't making any sense."

He clenched his teeth before he spoke. "I lied, Bella. When I told you I never loved you. It was a lie. The most heinous lie I have ever spoken. I love you, Bella. I have always loved you."

"It makes more sense that you're lying now," I whispered. "Or that you just feel sorry for me." Was that it? Did it matter if he was only here because he felt sorry for me? He was here, now. Or I was having incredible hallucinations. Either way, I might as well relax and enjoy it while I could.

"I deserve that." He lowered his head. "I deserve so much worse than that." He sat silently for a moment.

Surely it can't get any more awkward than this.But what could I say? Why would he care about anything I might bring up? Nothing in my life could be of interest to him.

"I told him not to leave, Bella. I tried to stop him."

"Alice?" I turned. It was impossible not to smile as I looked into her face. "I've missed you so much."


	5. Reunion

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**Reunion**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

A flash of joy crossed Bella's face at the sound of Alice's voice. Then she turned to face her. But I saw it, no matter how fleetingly. Bella's smile. A truly happy smile. Why can't I make her that happy? I wanted to smack myself. Because you broke her heart.

Alice rushed to embrace her. I hoped she remembered how breakable Bella was. And even more so, now. So frail. So sick. But she seemed to handle Alice's enthusiasm well.

"Bella, you cut your hair!" Alice grinned and touched Bella's head.

A rosy pink colored Bella's cheeksI loved it when she blushed. I reacted the same as I always did. That hadn't changed.

"I didn't exactly cut it," Bella murmured. "Mostly, it fell out. It's just grown back in."

Alice covered her mouth with her hands. "Oh, Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean…" Her eyes flashed to me. She glared. _You should have warned me._

Bella laughed. "It's fine, Alice. Don't be sorry." She reached for Alice's hands and pulled her to the couch. Alice sat between us. Over her shoulder I could see Bella's face. "It's so good to see you, Alice. I've missed you so much." When Alice hugged her this time, Bella started crying again.

"Don't cry. Please, Bella, don't cry," Alice murmured.

She sniffled and whispered, "I never even had a chance to tell you goodbye."

_I told you so. I told you we should at least see her before we left._ Alice had never forgiven me for that.

"What about Jasper?" Bella asked.

Suddenly, he appeared at the foot of the stairs. "I'm here, Bella."

Her lip quivered as she spoke. "I always knew it was just instinct; that you couldn't help it."

He came closer. In the last twenty years, he'd developed much more control over his desire for blood. "I know, Bella. You told Alice that night, and she told me the next day." At least Jasper wasn't casting me angry looks or castigating me in his thoughts as he sat on Bella's other side.

Bella nodded. "I just felt so guilty. Because of me, your whole family had to leave."

Jasper didn't speak; he just looked at me as Alice chattered and Bella listened. I knew he could feel the misery that overwhelmed me. I wondered what he was feeling from Bella. _She loves you, Edward. But she's scared. And she hurts as much as you do. As much as you have. _And then I relaxed. I knew it was Jasper's doing. I hoped it worked as well to put Bella at ease.

Then I watched Bella's face as Alice filled her in on searching for her human past. "It helped me learn so much, you know. About my life… my human life. I still have relatives still living in Biloxi, Mississippi." Alice giggled as she said, "One of them just received a mysterious scholarship. She's a bright girl, but my human family has apparently never had much money." She jerked her head in my direction. "The scholarship was Edward's idea. I've enjoyed playing guardian angel to what's left of my family."

"Aren't you ever angry at them? For putting you in the asylum, I mean?" Bella asked. I could tell that that part of Alice's story pained her. "I mean, as far as they were concerned, when they left you there, you were dead. You said they put that date on your tombstone."

"I think they were scared of me, terrified of my visions." Alice paused. "I still find my visions disturbing sometimes, and I know what they are. My family, they were religious people and not terribly educated. They might not have been into burning witches at the stake, but it must have seemed to them like I was possessed."

Bella nodded. "All things considered, I guess it might be a good thing that you don't remember your human life." They leaned into each other, close and comfortable, neither of them noticing much around them.

Then Carlisle and Esme appeared together, watching me as carefully as they eyed Bella. She didn't see them at first. Sadness colored Carlisle's face and he closed his eyes briefly_. It's bad, son. She doesn't have long. I can smell the sickness in her blood, in her body. You did the right thing, calling us to come when you did._ I felt my throat constrict. He'd only affirmed what I already knew, but somehow, it made it more real that someone else realized just how sick she was.

Esme noted that Alice and Jasper had taken seats on either side of Bella. She gave me a curious look. _It will work out, Edward. Be patient._

I had many reasons to be thankful. Bella was here. Whether or not she loved me, she was here. I could _see_ her. I could _touch_ her. I could _hear _her voice, her laughter, her heartbeat. And according to Jasper, she still loved me. I watched as she hugged Esme and held Carlisle's hands. She appeared genuinely happy to see them, too. I couldn't help remembering the first day I brought her here to meet them. Esme had been so excited, almost choking with satisfaction every time I touched Bella. Bella had been so nervous. Not because my family was made up of vampires, but because she was afraid they wouldn't like her. Has she ever worried about her own safety?

Upstairs, Emmett had finally left Rosalie sulking in their room. Rosalie could hold a grudge. She'd come back to Forks with the rest of them after I called, but made it clear that she wouldn't have come at all if Emmett hadn't insisted on coming himself, with or without her. Perhaps it was better if she stayed upstairs. Things were tense enough. I wasn't sure I could take Rosalie right now, But I was glad to see Emmett on his way down the stairs.

Emmett shot me a glance. _How are you holding up?_ I grimaced. _How's she holding up?_ I shrugged. She'd stopped crying. That was a start. Then he caught sight of her. _She looks horrible._ He caught my eye. _It's hard for me to see her like this. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. Am I going to have to drag you out of some hovel in South America again when this is over?_

When this is over. I looked away. Does he realize what that means? When this is over. When Bella dies. I had always known it would happen someday. It shouldn't come as any surprise. It's just so soon.

Emmett laughed and called out in his booming voice, "So, Bella. You missed Alice so much you copied her hairstyle?"

Bella laughed. An aural miracle. I smiled gratefully at Emmett. He barreled through the rest of them and picked her up, fluffing her hair with one hand.

"Did ya' miss me, too? What did you copy about me?" Even I had to laugh at the thought of Bella resembling Emmett in _any_ way.

The grin spread across her face. "You're one of a kind, Emmett. Nothing holds a candle to the original."

He spun her around, making her laugh again. She looked so tiny in his arms. Finally, he settled her on my lap, winking at me over her shoulder. She sighed and leaned against me, resting her head against me. I wrapped my arms around her protectively. If only I could protect her from this.

_She needs to rest, Edward._ It was Carlisle. _This has been emotionally and physically draining for her. It isn't good for her to get too tired._

"Bella," I whispered, reveling in her closeness. "How about some peace and quiet? You look like you could use a little of that." She nodded meekly, without speaking. I stood, holding her limp body as tightly as I dared. Her eyes closed slowly and her breathing slowed to a peaceful rhythm against my chest. The others watched quietly as I carried her upstairs.


	6. Resignation

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

And remember, this story was written pre-Eclipse.

_**Resignation**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

I wasn't sure I had done the right thing, but it seemed so important to her to see them again. It comforted me that he'd refused to bite her before. I felt reasonably certain she'd be safe. But I had just enough doubt to worry. Nothing I'd ever done has been so hard as to drive away with her in his arms. I felt like I'd made a deal with the devil.

"You're going to pace a hole in the floor," Ellen laughed. She was amazing. She'd laughed at the werewolf stories when I first told them to her. She'd been concerned when I first explained that they were real. She hadn't believed it until Emily talked to her about it. But once she accepted it, she'd never looked back, never once doubted me.

I'd waited so long to marry, so long to start a family. The possibility of condemning my children and grandchildren to a life as a monster…it terrified me. I knew that Ellen was glad the twins were girls. Not half as glad as I was. They certainly carried the gene, since I had it from both sides. They could pass it on to any male children, but they wouldn't hit puberty and start to phase, even if there were vampires around. I wondered about the new baby. I felt guilty, hoping for a girl when I knew how important it was to ensure we had protectors. But hasn't my family done its part?

None of this took my mind off Bella for long. I held my breath. She's so vulnerable.

"Jacob, it can't be that bad. She wanted to see them. She must think they're safe enough."

I frowned. "It's my instinct kicking in. Even in human form, I can't escape it."

"You'll do what you need to do, Jacob. But I suspect you know that." She patted the couch beside her. When I sat down, she rubbed my shoulders to ease the tension.

If anything happens to Bella, I don't know what I'll do. It's my responsibility to protect her. I'm the pack leader, for God's sake. And yet I delivered her up to them.

Them. Bloodsuckers. Leeches. She acted like they were human. Real people. And I'd lapsed into trusting them, too. What if they hurt her? They didn't feed as often as humans. Would they remember that she needed to eat? She hadn't wanted anything this morning. I'd had to bribe her _and_ challenge her. No trip to their house unless she ate something or drank a supplement, and of course, the usual deal: I would drink five supplements to her one. With my metabolism, it wasn't a problem. Well, it wasn't _the_ problem. They _were_ nasty. I totally understood why she hated them. But watching me slam them down one after the other made her laugh and enticed her drink the stuff.

Ellen's hands moved masterfully over my muscles, easing the tension. "Maybe I should call and check on her."

"And how long would that pacify you? An hour? Two at the most? And then you'd need to call again. Every couple of hours." Ellen laughed. "I don't think that will go over well with Bella." She held her hand up to her ear, pinkie and thumb extended. She spoke in a gruff, low voice, "Hello, this is the local alpha werewolf calling to check on Bella's safety. None of you bloodsucking leeches has bitten her, have you? I'll be sure to call back in two hours for an update. Grrrrrr."

She did NOT just say that! I turned and stared at her in amazement. "I can't believe you just said that that." My irreverent wife.

"There has to be some benefit to being married to the leader of the pack," she grinned and tapped my head hard enough to make me face the front again. "Somebody has to keep your head from exploding. And from driving Bella off the deep end." She squeezed my shoulders between her fingers.

"She's going to want to go back. And when she's too sick to go back, if they are still around, they're going to want to come here." And the house will stink with that sickly sweet smell.

"Would that be so bad?" her eyes pleaded with me as I turned to face her again. Once more, she tapped my head. "It's really hard to give you a massage when you keep turning around," she grumbled.

It would be horrible. You have no idea. I took a deep breath. "They're dangerous. They're killers Do you really want them in a house with our children?"

"Would you let Bella stay there if you were _really_ afraid they would hurt her? Would she let them in the house if she thought it would threaten _anyone_ here?"

"You're right." I don't think Ellen expected me to agree so easily. "Bella would walk right into danger, but she'd do anything she could to keep others safe. She's always been like that. She'd never endanger you or the kids. Or me, and she tends to consider me much more vulnerable than I am."

This time when I turned around, she gave me an enigmatic smile. "What?" I loved that smile. But I _knew _it was dangerous.

"Just imagining you, oh, fifteen or sixteen years from now. Pacing the floor while the girls are out on a date. Wondering if I'll finally get to see what it's like when you phase. And hoping you don't kill any of their boyfriends. That might be really difficult to explain." She started laughing.

"Guess I might need to make some advance preparation for that. Or maybe we just won't allow them to date." I grinned.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head before she smacked me this time. When I turned away, I could still hear her laughing at me. "It will be fine, Jacob. _She'll_ be fine. _Everything_ will be fine." And when she leaned against me and kissed the back of my neck, for _that_ moment, at least, I could believe it.


	7. Reconciliation

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**Reconciliation**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

Like so many times before, I watched her sleep. For a while, I placed my head against her chest, listening to her heartbeat. I relaxed to the rhythm of her breathing. But then I had to face my thoughts.

That day in the woods I had been so sure, so full of certainty, when I walked away. It was best for Bella. It would give her a real life. It would keep her from danger. It wouldn't take her long to move on. I'd believed all of those things. If I hadn't believed every single one of them, I could never have managed the wherewithal to leave. I'd certainly have never have managed staying away.

I thought of what Emmett had said earlier and remembered that dark time during the first two years I was gone. He'd finally tracked me down in Brazil. I don't know how long I'd been curled up in that attic. I left only to hunt once a month or so, waiting until I could no longer hold my thirst and returning to my dark den as soon as possible after feeding. The overwhelming thirst gave me something to dull the pain, even though I never stopped thinking of Bella. I'd become a sort of revenant, one of those senseless movie vampires who survives using only instinct and crawls into a grave as the sun rises.

How Emmett found me, I'll never know. But for once in my life, I felt totally incapable of putting up a fight. He told me that it was time to stop being a martyr and to get my life in order – starting with Bella. He took advantage of my weakness and wouldn't allow me to feed until he'd taken me back to Forks. Charlie was there, but Bella was gone. I assumed to college. I assumed the best; that she'd moved on. I'd left Forks for the second time feeling some satisfaction that Bella would be happy, knowing that my existence would cease to have any meaning, had ceased to have any meaning the day I left her behind.

No one in my family knew that I returned to Forks each year to watch those peonies bloom. I'd learned much about peonies over the years. Bella's peonies were Festiva Maximas; huge, double-flowering white blooms. I'd arrive when the first buds showed, tight round balls already bursting with fragrance. When they opened, the green buds revealing pale white flowers with pink tinges on the outer petals, I saw Bella's face, more beautiful than any flower, her blush more perfect than any petal. I stayed, sometimes sitting in the same spot, from the time the first peony bloomed until the wind claimed the petals of the last flower. Then I ran away, once more, into exile.

I looked at her closely, taking in each line of her face, each tiny wrinkle. I'd heard the others talking since we came upstairs, worried because she looked so pale, so tired, so fragile. But I thought she looked beautiful.

She stirred, and I thought she might speak in her sleep, but instead, she woke herself coughing. She blinked when she saw me. She rubbed her eyes and blinked again, obviously surprised I was still there. "I'm real. You're awake," I whispered.

"I could still be dreaming. Just because you start talking doesn't mean you're real."

"That's one thing that hasn't changed," I laughed. "You are stubborn as ever. What do I have to do to convince you I'm real?"

She bit her lip. "I'm not sure. For now, let's go with I don't care whether you're real or not. This is nice, either way."

Incredible. She's absolutely incredible. She can believe in vampires and werewolves without batting an eye, but she can't believe that I'm actually here in front of her. I ran my fingers down her cheek and cupped her face with my hand. "I've missed you so very, very much."

"You don't have to say that," she murmured. "It means enough that you're here. You don't have to lie. I don't know how Jacob persuaded you to come, but you can be honest about it. You're here because you feel sorry for me."

I sighed. Had I really been so convincing when I told her I didn't love her? Had she truly believed my lie with such conviction? I hung my head, ashamed. How can I show her that I have always loved her?

"Tell me what you've been doing, Edward. It has to be more interesting than what I've been doing, no matter how many more times you've been to high school," she grinned.

_She_ was comforting _me_. She'd seen my pain at her words, even if she didn't understand the true source, and introduced a lighter topic. Always thinking of others. "I haven't done that much, actually. I went to medical school, again. That filled some time. The internship rotations were easier. Perhaps the next time around I'll be immune enough to the blood to actually practice. Although I'm not sure when the next time around will be." I realized that I was absentmindedly tracing her lips with my finger. I didn't stop; I just thought about how her skin felt against my skin. "Of course, I'm not sure how people will feel when their doctor looks like he's seventeen. It would be like an episode of _Doogie Howser_."

"_Doogie Howser_?" she repeated.

"An old television sitcom. Child prodigy becomes a doctor before he can drive. Hilarity ensues." I explained.

"Sounds entertaining," she rolled her eyes. "So, besides preparing for your own sitcom, what have you been up to?"

I laughed. I hadn't really laughed in so long. "Not as much as you might expect. I've written some music. Would you like to hear it?"

She beamed. "I'd love to hear it. As long as you also play my lullaby. I've missed it. And you took my CD."

The guilt resurfaced. "I didn't really take it, you know. It's there in your room, still, under a floorboard. Unless Charlie found it and threw it out."

"Why?" Her face crumpled.

"I couldn't face leaving, and hiding them there was somehow a way to leave part of myself with you." I frowned. "I know, it's lame."

"All that time. It was right there." She closed her eyes to fight the tears.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, reaching for her hand. She wrapped her fingers around mine. It surprised me how tight her grip was. With my other hand I brushed away the tears.

She took a deep breath. "I want to hear your music. And I'd like some water, please." She dropped my hand and reached out for me, ready for me to carry her downstairs.

Holding her in my arms. Something I thought I'd never do again. I inhaled her scent as I carried her downstairs. It wasn't quite right, Carlisle was right about that. But it was still Bella's incomparable fragrance. In the kitchen, I set her at the table and asked, "Water room temperature or refrigerated?" She wanted it cold, so I pulled out a bottle and started to pour it into a glass.

"The bottle is fine. It's plastic. If I drop it, it won't break."

"Are you finally worried about being a human in the company of vampires?" I asked, placing the open bottle in her hand.

She shook her head. "No," she laughed. "Just pragmatic. I'm clumsier than ever." She took several sips of water.

"Want something to eat? In addition to the things Jacob said to be sure to get, I picked up some other things. There's yogurt, several flavors of pudding, jello, and about any diced fruit you might want." I waited for her answer.

"Eating is probably a good idea. How about some fruit and yogurt?"

"What kind of fruit?"

"Surprise me," she grinned.

I raised my eyebrows. "But you don't like surprises."

She shrugged. "What can I say? I've mellowed."

I picked strawberries and mixed them in a bowl with yogurt then watched as she ate it. She ate mechanically and didn't appear to have much appetite. "You don't seem too hungry."

"Really? I'm not. But when Jacob picks me up, one of the first things he'll ask you is what I ate and how much. And you," she pointed a finger at me, "of course, will tell him. If it isn't enough to make him happy, he'll make me drink that dreadful Ensure. Even chocolate can't make it taste better. It's a fine a line, eating enough so that Jacob doesn't peddle the supplements or take me in for an IV, but not eating so much that I can't hold it down."

"Why don't we spread it out, then? Eat half of that now and the other half a little later. We'll do what we can to keep you off the supplements." She agreed without hesitation and I covered her dish and placed it in the refrigerator. "How about some music?" She nodded as I wrapped her in my arms again and carried her to the piano.

She sat beside me on the bench, leaning against me as I played her lullaby. I could smell her tears. "You're crying again." I hesitated.

"It's a good cry. Please don't stop." She breathed deeply, and I knew she was inhaling my scent. I kissed her forehead and kept playing. She sighed and smiled beatifically. "I can't remember the last time I was this happy," she murmured quietly.

I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop myself. This was Bella. My Bella. I didn't care that she had changed. In all the important ways, she was still the same Bella I had fallen in love with twenty years ago. I kissed her. She was so warm, her lips burning against my mouth, her breath skimming over my skin. Then she pulled away.

She touched my face, her fingers tracing my jawline. A certain wistfulness played around her smile. "I never told you the dream I had the morning of my eighteenth birthday, did I?"

What had it taken out of her to mention that day? The dream must be important. I shook my head and waited for her to speak.

"My grandmother was there, which was quite strange, since she'd been dead for six years. I was excited to see her, but before I could say anything to her, you called my name. When I turned to see you, I realized how sunny it was, how you were sparkling. I wanted to warn you that my grandmother was there. I could see myself trying to explain to her. 'Gran, this is my boyfriend, Edward. Don't worry about the sparkling. He does that in the sun. He's a vampire.' But when you reached me and I turned to speak to Gran, I realized that it was a mirror." She hung her head and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. "It wasn't my grandmother, it was me." Horror filled her eyes as she looked back up at me.

I held her as tightly as I dared. "Bella," I whispered, "You have always been and always will be the most extraordinary, the most beautiful thing in my world. Nothing can change that. Not age, not illness, not anything. I have always loved you, and I will always love you." I kissed her again, and this time she didn't back away.


	8. Content

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**Content**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

He loved me. All this time, he loved me. I kissed him, and this all seemed too familiar. I felt twenty years younger. Whole. Healthy. Unmarred. I inhaled the intoxicating scent of his breath, and it sent me reeling. Spinning. Unconscious.

When I came to, I found myself lying on the living room couch in Edward's arms. Carlisle held my wrist, checking my pulse. I felt pretty sure that was out of habit rather than need, since he could hear my heart beating. Esme fluttered in the background. "Is she all right?" she whispered as if waking me up might be a bad thing. Carlisle nodded and she sighed, clearly relieved.

"She's awake!" Alice sounded pleased.

I met Edward's gaze and felt a smile spread across my face. He kissed me and I heart Emmett laugh, "Some things never change." Edward rolled his eyes and glanced in Emmett's general direction before turning back to me. I felt strangely content. Even Rosalie glaring at me from the corner didn't dilute my pleasure. Of course, Jasper might have something to do with that, but I wasn't counting on it. Edward loved me. I didn't _need_ Jasper to help with my mood.

Certainly, it was possible that I was dreaming, hallucinating, maybe even already dead. But I'd decided earlier that I wouldn't knock it, and I had a strong hunch this was real. After all, Edward's arms seemed awfully solid around me.

"I haven't seen that smile in _so_ long," Edward breathed next to my ear. His cool fingers rubbed against my cheek. I reached for his hand and clasped it.

Carlisle coughed quietly before he spoke. "Bella, how are you feeling? You passed out." He gave me a concerned smile. "None of us want you to overexert yourself."

I felt the blush rising in my cheeks. Edward's grin expanded as he saw the flush cover my face.

Emmett snickered and shook his head. "Redder than ever." For some inexplicable reason he punched Edward in the shoulder. Carlisle waited for me to answer.

"Uh…I think it was the kissing." Carlisle frowned at my answer. "Really." I added. "I've always done that. Even before I got sick."

Carlisle gave me a skeptical look. "You pass out when you kiss someone?"

And I thought I couldn't blush any more than I already was. Edward laughed quietly, pleased with the answer he knew was coming. "Not exactly. I pass out when Edward kisses me. Sometimes…" I glanced at Edward. He was so beautiful when he smiled like that. And he smelled like…heaven. The room began to spin. "A lot of the time, actually."

"Let me get this straight," Emmett teased. "You passed out because Edward kissed you? Is that like reverse Sleeping Beauty or something?"

The room exploded in laughter.

Emmett glared at Alice. "And how is it that we didn't know this _before_? Don't tell me you never saw it."

"Eeew. I try to block the kissing out. Anything that involves my family and looks like it _might _go over a PG rating, I try not to think about. I never got far enough to see her pass out!" Alice exclaimed.

I loved this family. This ease. The teasing. The gentle affection. I had missed this, too. Even Rosalie, smirking at Edward from across the room. I even missed Rosalie. I smiled at her. She caught my eye and frowned sternly. This was the life I had chosen. The life I had lost. The life that had been so graciously returned to me, regardless of how fleeting.

Jasper crossed the room to kneel beside me. He touched my hand. "I don't need any help with my feelings right now, Jasper. I'm good," I whispered.

"I know," he smiled. "I feel it. And now, everyone else does, too."


	9. Here There Be Dragons

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**Here There Be Dragons**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

We sat at the piano again. Everyone else had disappeared. The house seemed absolutely still and was dark except for the small light at the piano. I leaned against Edward as he played, inhaling his scent and listening as his fingers arched over the keyboard.

He played one of his new compositions. The music began slowly, the notes reminding me, for some reason, of a sunrise: the still, barely perceptible changes in color and light until that one moment when the brightness spills over the sky and it's daylight instead of dark. His right hand skimmed over the keys, creating a soft melody, a bit like leaves fluttering in the morning breeze, the light shimmering off the surface of each leaf. But his left hand found more somber notes. Perhaps a storm brewing, blowing in to cover the sun. Then the storm hit and the music became turbulent before trickling to a quiet, melancholy version of the earlier melody, now in a minor key. And then it faded away quietly.

"It's beautiful, Edward. It's the most beautiful music I ever heard." I fought the tears at first, but finally let them fall.

He kissed my forehead and brushed the tears off my cheeks. "It's nothing compared to you," he whispered as he wrapped me in his arms and kissed me. This time, his lips pressed against mine. I shuddered as he kissed my temple, his lips marking a cool path down my cheek to my neck. I sighed softly, fighting the dizziness, the thrill of his touch.

If his kisses, his mere touch, could do this to me, what would it have been like to make love to him? No, don't think what could have been; what might have been. What was it they used to write on old maps for uncharted waters? Here there be dragons. I hadn't had to remind myself of that in a long time. Not since I'd accepted the inevitable. And what might have been with Edward was one dragon I couldn't face. Better to stay in the here and now, however strange the here and now might be. Once again, I found myself happy that Edward couldn't read my thoughts.

I could have stayed like that forever, but the doorbell rang. Edward pulled away from me slowly. A crease flashed across his forehead and he closed his eyes for a moment then said, "Come in." No human could have heard, so I expected a vampire. It made me a little tense. But the door opened, and I recognized that tall shadow silhouetted by the moonlight. It was Jacob. He stopped just inside the door.

"It's late," he said. "I heard the music when I drove up and I waited until you finished playing. But Bella needs her rest, so I couldn't wait any longer." Still, he didn't move.

Edward nodded. I tried not to look sad. I had seen him one more time, had closure with his family. As much as I didn't want to leave, that was all I could ask for. But he must have sensed something. "I'm not going anywhere," breathed in my ear as he lifted me into his arms. He carried me across the room and settled me gently in Jacob's arms. "Let me get her bag from the kitchen."

I felt strangely like a child. Jacob observed me with clear concern. "Good day?" I nodded and smiled contentedly as Edward returned with my bag.

He spoke formally, "Once again, Jacob Black, I am in your debt." Jacob only nodded, his discomfort clear. They shared a checklist, what I had eaten, how much I had slept, had I been sick? Edward hooked the bag over Jacob's hand and leaned forward to kiss me one last time. I felt Jacob tense as Edward's lips touched mine. "Good night, Bella," he whispered as Jacob carried me out of the house.

_Good night. Not goodbye. Good night._ I was grasping at straws.

Jacob secured me in the car and we drove away. I could see Edward standing in the doorway watching until we drove out of view. I broke the silence. "Thank you, Jacob. I understand how difficult that must have been for you."

He nodded. "You're right. It wasn't. But I heard the need in your voice when you said you wanted to see him. To see them."

"How did you find him? Any of them?"

"He was there, in the woods, yesterday when you told me about the peonies. When I finished taking the girls for a walk, he was still there. We talked." He paused. "He called the rest of them."

"He was there? Yesterday morning?" The shock hit me. Could he really have been there each year for the peonies to bloom? If I had come home in the summer, would I have found him sooner? Before it was too late? _Dragons, Bella. Here there be dragons._

Jacob sighed. "I think he stayed there all night, actually. I could smell his scent there this morning. It wouldn't have lingered that long outside."

_Dragons._

"They're staying. They can't really move back right now, too many people would recognize them. But they're staying. It's far enough out in the country that no one will notice if they don't come in to town," Jacob explained.

He must have spent quite a bit of time talking to Edward. They were staying? Because of me? _Dragons._ "Does that mean I can see them again?" _Dragons._

"Maybe not so long every time, but yes. You're why they're here. I can take you to the house any time you want." His voice was dead. It was clear he didn't like this development.

I marveled at his sacrifice. I knew he hated them. Hated Edward, in particular. He'd never forgiven him for leaving me. For hurting me. What had it taken for him to walk into that house to pick me up? "I know you hate this, Jacob," I whispered.

"I do," he stated in that dead voice. "But I love you, Bella. And I will do whatever it takes to make you happy. I told you a long time ago that you could always count on me, that I'll always be here. I meant it. I know I blew it a few times. It took a while to hold myself together there at first." He paused. "But even if it takes making nice with a clan of…vampires, I'll do it. As long as they don't hurt you. I'll fight every instinct I have if that's what it takes."

I'd heard the pause. I knew he wanted to say leeches or bloodsuckers, but he hadn't because of me.

"Bella," he whispered. "Do you still like me best?" He shot me a grin. Sunshine in a smile.

He'd first asked me that at the movie so long ago. That night before he phased for the first time. I laughed and gave him the same answer. "I will always like you best. Better than any of my guy friends. And the girls, too." I raised my eyebrows, "And you're definitely good-looking. Not just sort of."

Now he laughed. He squeezed my hand. "I can live with that."


	10. Make a Wilderness and Call It Peace

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

The title is from a quotation of a Celtic chieftan in Britain, Calgalus, speaking of the conquering Romans. It is recorded by the historian Tacitus.

_**Make a Wilderness and Call it Peace**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

I stood in the darkness of the back yard staring at the sky. I'd hoped for some stars, but the cloud cover refused to oblige. I felt helpless. Utterly helpless. Just like I'd been twenty years ago. I couldn't fix her then, and I tried. I did everything in my power and it wasn't enough. Second-best. I couldn't fix her now, either. This time, no one could. But _he_ could make her smile like I hadn't seen her smile in years. I watched my hands shake and knew I needed to control the anger.

But I had a right to be angry. After twenty years, he waltzed back into her life without any recriminations. She's happy now, but if he hurt her again…If he hurt her again, I'd have to kill him. There is only so much he can do to her without facing some consequences himself.

I felt like a teenager again, my muscles jumping in my skin as my anger roiled inside. Perhaps it was good exercise. I'd need peak control more than ever if he really planned on hanging around. I let the anger build; let it, for an instant, rise to a place I hadn't found in half a lifetime. Then I breathed deeply and clenched my fists as I forced it back and pushed it deep inside.

He came again that night after everyone else fell asleep. First he stood there in the forest, still like only the dead can be. Finally, when everything around was quiet, he stepped forward. I waited for him to speak. He lowered his head first. The gesture reminded me of a bow. He studied me for a moment then said, "I'd like to see her again."

"I've already told her that I'll take her to your house any time she wants." I held back what I wanted to add. Because she wants to see you. Not because you want to see her.

After a nod, he sighed. It was clear just how uncomfortable he felt. "There will come a day when you can't bring her to me," he whispered. "When that day comes, would you mind if I visited her here?"

I knew it. "It's not up to me, is it?" I asked.

"Actually, it is. Bella mentioned today that as far as she's concerned, the house is already yours." His lips formed a grim line and he stared into my eyes.

It pleased me that I had a few inches on him, and he had to look up to me. I met his gaze without flinching. "What are you talking about?"

"She didn't tell you, did she?" He seemed surprised.

"Tell me what?" I wasn't in any mood to play guessing games.

He smiled. "The house is yours. She's liquidated almost everything else. A college fund for your children." He shook his head and narrowed his eyes. "You had no idea, did you?"

I could barely speak. I couldn't process the information or the emotions. Why would she do something like that? And why hadn't she told me? Why would she tell him and not me? I closed my eyes and swallowed. "No," I said quietly. "She didn't. There was no reason for her to do ..." I sat in the glider. It brought things home to me, pounded into my brain, again, that she was dying. "Why?"

"Why what?" he murmured. "Why did she choose to leave what she has to you?"

Yes. That. And more importantly, why is she dying? I hung my head in my hands.

"The reason she left you the house… and everything else…is simple. She loves you. You have been her best friend for a long time. She knows she can count on you. She trusts you." He sank to the ground in front of me. "Why she's dying. That's a much more difficult question. Aside from the obvious, of course."

I'd forgotten about his mind-reading ability. He was the last creature on earth I wanted to share my thoughts with at that particular moment. It occurred to me that if he had changed her, she wouldn't be dying. But she would be one of them. Had he thought about that? Of course, that wouldn't bother him. I wondered why he'd refused. He didn't make me ask.

"Her soul. I couldn't live with myself if I'd taken her soul. I couldn't damn her for eternity." His face crumpled into a mask of pain and anger. Clearly I wasn't the only one dealing with demons from the past tonight "But you're right; it would have kept her from this."

"She was tired tonight," I decided to change the subject. Something less volatile. Something easier to face. At least, something easier to talk about.

Apparently he thought I was chastising him. "She had three naps. About a couple hours each," he said defensively.

I laughed. "You told me. She just wore herself out. It's not exactly anyone's fault. And she didn't get sick today. How'd she manage to hold down her food?"

"Smaller servings. But more frequently," he offered.

It was bizarre, really. Mortal enemies trying to avoid each other and escape mutual grief. And take care of the one woman they both loved.

"You're right. It is bizarre." He laughed bitterly.

I peered at him intently. "You have to stop that."

"What?"

"Answering my thoughts. It's disturbing," I frowned. "It's bad enough that you can hear them. You could at least act like you don't. A man needs some privacy. Even with the pack, it only happens in wolf form." He grimaced, but nodded. "And it's disturbing enough that you're here. If you're going to keep coming over, you need really need to stop that."

He caught it. "So you don't mind? For me to come see her here when the time comes?"

"Of course I mind. But it isn't right to keep you away from her." I sighed. "I appreciate you asking."

"We can help, you know. Carlisle's a doctor. Rosalie and I have been to medical school." He shrugged. "Although I wouldn't count too much on Rosalie."

"Ellen and I don't need your help to take care of her." I clenched my fists. Who did he think he was? He wasn't here because I needed his help. He was here because, and _only_ because, Bella wanted to see him and the rest of his family.

He pursed his lips. "You're going to need a break sometime. I'm just saying… we can help. We want to help in any way we can."

"We'll deal with that when the time comes. How's that?" He just nodded quietly. I stood. I wanted this to be over. Talking to him, I meant. He rose in a single sleek movement and reached out his hand. I stared at it for a moment before shaking it.

"You're not so different from your great-grandfather." He smiled. I think he meant that as a compliment, but I didn't know. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I didn't say anything. He turned, silently, toward the woods and began to walk away.

I hesitated. Then I made myself call after him, "We're having a cookout the Fourth of July. She'd probably like for you all to be here." My pack brothers would think I'd lost my mind. I wondered, myself. "Of course, the guys in the pack will be here. They can handle themselves if you can. I know it's a recipe for disaster." I couldn't help but laugh. "Of course, Bella seems to like that."

He smiled sadly and nodded. "She does, doesn't she?" He sighed and asked, "You really think it will be all right? Safe for everyone, I mean?" I nodded. "Then we'll be here," he said quietly before he disappeared into the forest.


	11. Stretching the Chains of Kindred

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

The title here comes from a quote by the Marquise de Sévigné: We cannot destroy kindred: our chains stretch a little sometimes, but they never break.

_**Stretching the Chains of Kindred**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

Emmett smashed a can against his forehead. "I've wanted to do that ever since I saw Animal House." He eyed each member of the pack before he grinned and said, "Anybody want to arm-wrestle?"

The atmosphere at the cookout had gone from tense to… _weird_, which was better than expected, given that the majority of the guests were mortal enemies. The afternoon began slowly. With the exception of Edward, Carlisle, Jacob and Sam, none of the vampires and wolves spoke to each other. In fact, the ice didn't really break until I got sick. That's when Jacob brought out a six-pack of Ensure. He opened two, handing one to me. He tapped his can toward mine and laughed, "To friends and family." Everyone saw the irony in that.

I took a sip as he chugged the whole can. "You owe me a few more sips for that." I sipped obediently.

Edward stared, clearly puzzled, but it was Carlisle who, as Jacob slammed down another can, "Why are you doing that?"

"Bella and I have a deal. For every can or bottle of this stuff that she drinks, I drink five." He grinned at me. "It's a bit sadistic, but she finds it entertaining. I find it mostly nasty." He took a drink and made a face. "But if she can do it, I can." The next thing I knew, I had six werewolves chugging Ensure, banking up credits against the five-to-one tally Jacob and I had going. Ellen had gone inside to return with copious amounts of supplement in a variety of decidedly _not_ tasty flavors.

Then came the look. I'd love to know the thoughts behind either side of it, but I'm sure neither Jacob nor Edward will ever tell me. Jacob looked entirely too happy to be drinking those supplements. Edward glared at him for a moment, clearly frustrated. Then he started chugging a supplement, too. Suddenly, inexplicably, this had become a contest: who could down the most supplement? Jacob had sent out the challenge and Edward was, in this truly bizarre way, taking on the whole pack. The testosterone levels kept rising.

Emmett figured it out, and after taking a long look at me, another at Jacob and a final glance at Edward, reached for a can of his own. Rosalie stared at him, aghast. Jasper grinned sheepishly at the two of them and grabbed his own can. I couldn't help but laugh.

It was like a geriatric frat party with an alarming consumption of Ensure instead of beer. The wolves, I knew, would merely burn up the extra calories. I wasn't sure what the vampires would do, although Emmett had begun to appear dangerously bloated. Quil and Embry built a huge pyramid out of the empty cans. Sam kept tossing cans into it and knocking the whole thing down. Jared and Paul made side bets on which one could drink the most. Edward crunched each can in his hand as he finished it then dropped the new empty into the growing pile of demolished cans at his feet.

One by one, they dropped out until in the end, Emmett was drinking alone. Alice and Jasper started the chant, "Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink…" Edward had finally given up drinking and joined them in chanting. He and Jasper both looked positively green. I knew I wouldn't be the only one "sick" here tonight. In the end, even the wolves began to chant encouragement to Emmett, who held each newly-opened can in my direction before chugging away. As he finished the last one, he slammed the can against his head and challenged the wolves to arm-wrestling. Then Emmett exploded into a deep belch.

"Emmett!" Esme chided.

He ducked his head and apologized. "Excuse me."

But the rest of the group – vampires and wolves – had already begun to laugh.

"Oh, man," Emmett shook his head. "That stuff is awful!" He let out a long sigh and finally whispered, "Sorry!" before he darted for the edge of the forest. Edward and Jasper gave each other a quick look and raced to join him.

When the three of them returned, all of them looking a little less green, Quil laughed. "Can't handle your supplements, gentlemen?"

Embry, who had stopped building with the cans and started counting them to determine the exact number of cans banked against me asked with a wry grin, "Do I count the ones they drank if they couldn't keep them down?"

I nodded. "Count them. They knew that when they started."

"They should count twice," Emmett shouted to Embry, who made a horrible face at the thought.

Still, the wolves watched carefully when Edward sat beside me and put his arm around me. "You're very brave to drink that stuff on a regular basis," he teased. I leaned against him without speaking.

The party began to wind down. I wasn't blind to the strategic maneuverings as first Esme, Carlisle and Rosalie said their goodbyes, to be followed quickly by Paul and Jared and their families. Alice and Jasper left quietly after that, as did Atearas and the Calls. Finally, Sam took Emily's hand and said, "We should be getting home." Before they had the kids in the car, Emmett made a short goodbye and disappeared.

Jacob hovered protectively until Edward murmured, "I'll bring her up to bed if that's all right?" After glancing at me, Jacob nodded and took refuge in the house.

"That was… _interesting_," I whispered. The night had become so still. "Why on earth did you drink that stuff? I mean, Jacob and the rest of the pack, they can at least digest it. And with their metabolism, they can probably use the extra calories. But you and Emmett and Jasper?"

"Extra calories had nothing to do with it. Even for the wolves." Edward laughed. "They're quite protective of you; you know."

I nodded, even thought it was a statement rather than a question. I appreciated that protectiveness. It had saved my life on more than one occasion.

"And more than a little possessive, as well," he added archly.

"Yeah, I could almost feel the testosterone." I smiled, both happy and relieved, "This could have been a real disaster."

He held me a little tighter. "I would never have agreed if I thought you might have been in danger. I knew it might be a bit tense, but I felt confident that my family could control themselves." His lips formed a grim line before he continued, "And I had to trust Jacob to know if his family could do the same."

I sighed contentedly. "So you enjoyed it, then?"

He nuzzled my hair before he kissed my forehead. "I wouldn't go that far. But I did enjoy seeing you laugh. I'd drink another round of that stuff to hear you laugh like that again."

"You were positively green. All three of you were," I giggled, stopping abruptly to stifle a yawn.

"Time for you to go to bed," he whispered as he picked me up and carried me into the house.

Jacob met Edward at the foot of the stairs. He started to give him directions then stopped, nervously. "I guess you already know how to get there," he whispered. But he added, "Stay as long as you want. As long as it's okay with her."

Nodding, Edward simply said, "Thank you." I heard Jacob come upstairs and the two of them talking in hushed voices in the hallway while I changed into pajamas.

Briefly, Jacob stepped into the room. "Night, Bells." He deposited medicine and a bottle of water on the bedside table before he squeezed my hand and left.

I crawled under the covers, but I didn't want to go to sleep. I felt like a child on Christmas Eve wanting to stay awake because such exciting things might happen while I dreamt. And Edward was here. No dream could be better than that. He sat beside me and watched as I took all the medicine and sipped the water. Then, like he had so many times before, he lay beside me. I felt his cool body through the sheets. _This felt so good. So familiar._

He was silent for a while, waiting for me to sleep. When I didn't, he asked softly, hesitantly, "What was his name, Bella. Your name now, too, I guess. Jacob told me you were married."

"Ryan. Ryan Corrigan." What else had Jacob told him?

"Did you love him?" his eyes darkened. Was that jealousy? Anger?

I didn't want to have this conversation. "Not as much as he loved me."

"From what Jacob said – "

"Jacob doesn't know everything," I hissed. "And he's a little biased."

"Tell me," he said. He drew my hand to his lips and kissed my palm while he waited for me to speak.

"Ryan was a good man, Edward. He knew about you. Not everything, of course. But enough to know that I'd never gotten over you. Could never just get over you. But he loved me anyway. He told me that if I could just love him second-best, it was better than coming first with someone else. And he'd been through so much with me." I closed my eyes, willing the memory away. "I hurt him, Edward. The last time I spoke to him, I hurt him so much."

His eyes met mine sadly. "What happened?"

"I told him that the cancer was back; that this was it. I told him that I wanted to stay here. To die here." Even in a whisper it was hard to force the words out. "And he knew why. He knew exactly why."

"Why? And why did it matter if it was what you wanted?"

The words wouldn't come, but the tears did.

"Tell me, Bella. It can't be that bad." He rubbed the tears off my cheek with his thumb.

"When I told him that I wanted to stay here instead of go home to California, he knew it was because this is where I was with you. Because I'd been happiest here. This was the only time I was ever truly happy, even if only for a few months. It hurt him that being here with my memories of loving you made me want to stay here instead of going back to California to the house where I lived with him. I didn't have to tell him, he knew." I stopped trying to hold back the tears. "And when he asked me if it was true, I couldn't lie to him."


	12. Dissonanace

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**Dissonance**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

Bella sobbed silently in my arms. Bella Corrigan. _That_ would _never _sound right. Ryan Corrigan. I rolled the name around in my head. Jealousy flared at the mere name of a man I'd never met but who'd lived a life I would gladly have given my immortality to live. A life with the woman I'd left alone with the supreme lie of my existence.

I was a fool. There wasn't anything I could ever say that would change, could change, that fact. I'd left her. Weak. Alone. Vulnerable. Heartbroken. How could I have been so wrong? And if I'd been wrong about that, what else had I been wrong about? What if Bella – who never reacted to anything like a normal human – wasn't meant to be human? Unlike most people, she had no innate fear or avoidance when it came to me or my family. Instead, she felt drawn to us. And when we had gone, she'd clearly been drawn to the werewolves.

She had wanted this existence. She had seen how we lived and had actually chosen it over humanity. Over and over again, she'd begged me to change her. And I had refused. Had I been wrong about that, too?

"I'm sorry," Bella gasped, taking in several deep breaths to steady herself. "I never wanted to hurt him. He deserved better than that."

He deserved better than that? I clenched my teeth. It was everything I could do to keep from reminding her that he left her here, dying. But I couldn't say anything without sounding like a hypocrite. I'd left her, too. I'd lied to her and walked away like she didn't mean anything to me.

"This must be so strange for you," she shook her head. "I was thinking how familiar this seemed. You, here, holding me. It's been so long, but it's the same." She stroked my face. "Exactly the same. But for you," her brow furrowed, "it must be so different."

"No, it's not."

She giggled. "The room hasn't changed. Of course, Charlie's barely done anything to this room since I was born." I smiled. Charlie had never been much of a Martha Stewart type. If it didn't need to be fixed, he really wasn't worried about it. She ran her fingers over my lips. "And you are so very much unchanged. I mean, I knew you wouldn't age, but you are exactly the same. It shouldn't surprise me, yet it does." She closed her eyes and swallowed. "I can't help but wonder; what must you think when you kiss me now?" she whispered.

"That really hasn't changed much, either," I assured her. "I think it's more of a miracle than ever." To emphasize my point, I kissed her. I heard her breath catch and her heart speed up. I traced her collarbone with my thumb and she sighed contentedly. Her cheeks flushed. "You are so beautiful," I whispered in her ear.

She lay back against the bed, her head on the pillow, and I lowered myself beside her, placing my face so that our foreheads touched. "I love you, Bella," I whispered. My muscles clenched. Could I survive losing her again?

_You don't have to lose her._ The voice echoed in my head. Could I be that selfish? Could I truly be that selfish? _You could change her._ No. I couldn't. I could never do that to her. _You said it earlier: she wanted this life. You could still give it to her._ No. It's not right. _What if you're wrong again?_ Could I afford to be wrong again? _What if she wasn't meant to be human?_

Her fingers traced my cheekbones, my nose, my lips. "So serious. Always so serious," she murmured.

"Just thinking," I stated haltingly.

"About what?" she asked. She backed up so she could look into my eyes.

I sighed. "I was thinking about how you never react to things the way you should. And grateful for it at the same time, because if you reacted the way you should, you'd hate me for hurting you so much."

"Never." She shook her head. "I could never hate you."

"If I had just listened to you. To my family. If I had changed you. It would have saved you so much pain," I wanted to close my eyes, to look away. "It would have been so easy for me to do. But I wouldn't. Yet you don't hate me for that."

She smiled and kissed me. Her lips burned against mine. She was so _warm_. "I could never hate you, Edward. Nothing could make me stop loving you. Nothing."

I drew in a large breath. "And I was thinking that…" I exhaled. Thank goodness I didn't _need_ to breathe. "I am so afraid."

"Afraid of what?" She narrowed her eyes incredulously. "I don't think I've ever seen you afraid of anything."

"Yes, you have." I frowned, remembering. "When James came hunting you. When you thought he had your mother and you went to save her. I was so afraid that I would find you too late. That he would have killed you and there would be nothing I could do to save you."

A wrinkle creased her forehead. "You were afraid of James?"

"No, not afraid of James. Afraid of losing you." I let my fingers flutter over her cheek. "But at least I could fight James."

"But you can't fight cancer. Is that what you're saying?" When I nodded, her hand found mine and clasped it tightly. "I had to fight that one on my own. For a long time I was winning, and I have the scars to prove it."

"You could still win, Bella," I whispered.

She shook her head. "Edward, it's past that now. I can't."

Clearly, she didn't understand. It wasn't subtlety. I just wasn't sure enough to make it clear. Could I really do this? Better not to say anything than to say it and back out. "You could still win, Bella. There is one way you could still win. I could…" I hesitated. "I could change you." I heard nothing but her sharp inhalation. As I waited for her answer, a plan formed in my mind. She could come to the house tomorrow. We could charter a plane, and Carlisle could fly with us, for safety's sake, to Denali. I could change her there.

"You do know, don't you, that I was never afraid of dying?" she whispered. "It was always about wanting to be with you. Forever."

"You can still do that," I smiled.

Tears brimmed in her eyes. "I don't know if I can," she murmured.

"You're strong enough to survive the change. When Carlisle changed us, we were all so close to death."

"That isn't what I meant." She spoke carefully. She gazed sorrowfully into my eyes. "Edward, twenty years ago, I would have given anything I could for you to change me. All I wanted was to be by your side forever."

"And you don't want that any more?" It shouldn't surprise me. I'd hurt her so much, why would she want to be with me forever?

"It's not that," she reassured me quickly. "It's not that at all. Edward, I'm almost forty. And for all intents and purposes, at least to everyone around who isn't some supernatural being, you are seventeen. It might not be a felony in Washington, but I'm sure it is in plenty of other states." She squeezed my hand and her lips brushed against mine. "Esme and Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper, they have to hide so much from people, but at least they don't have to hide how they _feel_ about each other. I don't think I could hide how I feel about you. Certainly not for eternity."

"Then don't hide how you feel about me," I kissed the palm of her hand. Did she really not understand that she was beautiful? That her age wasn't important? "I don't care what people think. It doesn't matter."

"But it does matter, Edward," she sighed. "It's hard to stay low profile if social services keeps showing up to check out under-age relationships. And that isn't the only thing."

"What else is there?" It wasn't as if I hadn't thought about the reasons not to change her. Twenty years ago, I'd been on the other side of this argument.

"There are other reasons. Reasons you can never understand because you were so young when Carlisle changed you. Things happen in this world that people shouldn't have to carry around with them for a lifetime." She shook her head. "They certainly shouldn't have to carry them around with them for eternity."

I pleaded. "Bella, those are human memories. They fade."

"If it were just one thing, but it's not. And the age difference, even though you make so light of it, is important. I'm ignoring the conscience or whatever it is that keeps telling me I can't love you, can't kiss you, can't touch you. Even though I know the truth, there's that tabu imprinted on my brain. I can fight it right now, but I don't think I could fight it forever, Edward. It's…" She laughed bitterly. "It's like cognitive dissonance. Two incompatible realities competing. Innate moral beliefs in conflict with incredibly strong emotions. And even though actual knowledge supports the emotions, it can't stop my mind from screaming 'This is wrong!' every time I kiss you."

"So this is wrong?" I murmured, pressing my lips against hers. "And this is wrong?" I repeated, trailing kisses down her neck. "And this?" I kissed the hollow at the base of her neck before pulling back. "All of that is wrong?"

She didn't answer. She just stared at me with tears welling in her eyes.

"Please, Bella. You don't have to decide now. There's time." I implored her. "Just think about it."

She smiled weakly and nodded as she snuggled closer to me. I knew she needed to sleep. She still had time to change her mind.


	13. It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

Edward sat on the couch in his room, staring out the window at the river. He wore headphones, but I could hear the music blaring. I didn't need anybody's special abilities to tell that my brother was hurting. I sank onto the seat beside him, but he didn't respond. I stared for a while, trying to figure out if he was actually looking at something in the distance or just staring into space. Finally, I spoke.

"Where's Bella?" I asked cautiously. I hoped that she wasn't too sick to come today. That would be the beginning of the end. I made a conscious effort to stop my thoughts there.

He whispered, "She had a doctor's appointment today. And she needs some rest. We talked until late last night."

"What did that overgrown dog think about that?" Bella staying with werewolves. I still didn't like it. I knew Edward didn't either.

"Well, he didn't like it any more than he likes the rest of this. But he let me stay."

"He _let _you stay? Since when does a cur like that _let_ you do anything?" He glared at me but didn't say anything as he returned to staring out the window.

We sat in silence for a while, and he finally spoke. "I asked her last night if she wanted me to change her."

So that's why he's so moody today. Can't live without her, but still can't stand the thought of changing her. "It's about time. So what's the plan, my brother?" I held my fist in the air. He didn't lift his to bump it.

"There is no plan." He could barely force the words out. "She said no."

I had to clench my teeth to keep my jaw from dropping. "She said no?" I'd never even thought about that possibility. "Why'd she say no?"

"She gave numerous reasons, actually. All of them somehow related to her age. She thinks she's too old for me. Or that other people will think she's too old for me. Or that our age difference might bring unwanted attention to the family." He hadn't moved an inch. He'd barely moved his lips to speak. And with the exception of being bathed and groomed, he looked as dead and empty as he had when I'd dragged him out of Rio eighteen years ago. Finally, he lowered his face into his hands and whispered, "I should have done it. Instead of arguing with her. I should have just gone ahead and changed her. How could I have been so stupid?"

This was not my brother. At least, not any aspect of him I'd known since 1935. I grasped his shoulder and squeezed. He didn't respond at all. He was nothing but cold silence.

"You couldn't have known, Edward. Even Alice couldn't have known." I tried to reassure him.

"I should never have left. You all tried to talk me out of it. You told me I would regret my decision." He ground his jaw angrily.

"It isn't over yet, Edward," I whispered.

He turned to stare at me. "It might as well be."

"You can't let her see you like this," I pointed out.

"That is true. I cannot." He drew in a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. Funny how certain human actions that no longer met any physical needs could still calm or sooth us. But it didn't seem to have any effect on Edward right now. "She is so strong, Emmett. She is not the slightest bit afraid of dying."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "As I recall, she never was."

"You're right. She was just scared of growing old while I didn't change." He frowned. "She is not old, you know. Not really. And now she will never be old. It is just not the way she had hoped to avoid growing older." His face smoothed into an emotionless mask.

"It isn't over yet," I said again. "As long as she's alive, she can change her mind. Rose keeps reminding me that it's a woman's prerogative."

He stared at me. "I can't…"

"You don't have to do anything. Alice and I, on the other hand, have honed our skills for decades trying to persuade you, Jasper and Rose to do things. Or not to do things. Alice even got Jasper to give up human blood. I've managed to keep Rose agreeable for a long time." I smiled reassuringly. "Leave the persuasion to the experts."

I couldn't believe it when he laughed. "Somehow, I think you're out of your league, Emmett." Edward smirked. My brother was back! "After all, I don't think you can use the same methods that you use on Rosalie to persuade Bella. And if you do even so much as try, I don't want to be near Rosalie when she finds out."

"No threats from you?" I asked incredulously.

A wicked grin spread across his face. "I trust Bella." He paused briefly before he added, "I trust you, too. But I'm not counting on you changing her mind. She's pretty stubborn, you know." The grin disappeared behind a grim mask of resignation.

"It isn't over yet. Remember that," I reminded him.

He nodded then stared once more at the river running outside his window.


	14. The Good in Goodbye

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**The Good in Goodbye**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

I sat by the bed listening to Bella breathe as she slept. They had been here, all of the Cullens, often, and the room smelled like them: sticky and sweet. No one else noticed. Bella seemed to think the werewolves and the vampires both smelled good.

Ben Cheney had come out earlier that day as Bella had signed everything over. She'd completely divested herself of property, prepaying the taxes. It was most efficient and considerate of her, Ben had whispered as he left. He was a nice guy and a good attorney, but I still wanted to smack him when he said it.

All the paperwork had made Bella tired. That was easier and easier to do these days. She hardly ever left the bedroom any more and she rested a larger portion of the day. Her skin had turned a pale grey color. None of them could avoid seeing exactly what all of them hated to face. There wasn't much time.

"Jacob," Bella whispered hoarsely. She reached for the water but dropped her hands when I held the cup to her mouth. As much as I wanted to help her, it killed me that she allowed it. It just proved how weak and tired she really was. Her lips held the straw as she drank. I set the glass beside the bed, and when she spoke again, her voice was a little stronger. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me for anything," I whispered. "You're my friend."

"Your best friend?" She laughed quietly.

"My best friend ever," I sighed, leaning my head close to hers.

She smiled and reached for my hand. "Sometimes I think this was too much to ask." I started to protest and she placed her other hand over my mouth. "Not the actual taking care of me part. The rest of it. Watching me… diminish. You don't smile as much. The 'work' of taking care of me clearly doesn't faze you or Ellen. But it's taking a toll on you emotionally. I'd have never asked this of you if I thought for one minute …"

I laughed. I couldn't help it.

"Are you laughing at me, Jacob Black?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. But she was smiling, so I knew she wasn't upset in the slightest.

"Bella, honey, you're dying, but you're trying to take care of me; to make sure I feel okay about it. If you can't see some really sick humor in that…"

She grinned. "I just don't want to lose your smile. It's too important to me."

"So I need to be happy that you're dying? Not gonna' happen." I squeezed her hand.

"That's not it, Jacob. But I do want you to be happy." She stared out the window for a moment. "When it seemed like my world was falling apart and it couldn't get any worse, I was able to laugh again because you were happy. Then things did get worse, and you were still there to help me hold it together. And every time after that, you've managed, somehow, to do the same thing. I don't want you to lose that. I want you to be happy knowing that your friendship has been one of the greatest gifts of my life. Your smile is a treasure, and it's been far too absent lately. I don't want to be responsible for taking that away from the other people who need it, too."

"It's hard to see you fading, Bella. I can tell how weak you are." Then I laughed. "I've never been very good at accepting things, have I?"

She grinned. "You use the stairs now."

"He doesn't." I chuckled. "How come?"

Bella shrugged. "Nostalgia? Privacy? Maybe he just doesn't want to get vampire scent all over your house."

Even I had to smile at that point. "It does stink. It really does."

"To me it smells like the most heavenly floral scent you can imagine. How does it smell to you?" She waited expectantly for my answer.

How could I describe it? "They have a heavy floral smell. It's sweet and cloying. It's like drowning in honey."

Her brow furrowed. "So what you smell is what I smell, just magnified because your senses are so much stronger?"

"No, it's more than that, because flowers still smell nice. Vampires smell different, and their scent clings to everything they touch." Bella blushed and looked away. Did she honestly think I didn't have any idea what was going on? "I know he stays here almost every night. I can smell him. I know he's there in the bed with you." I shook my head. "I don't understand how you can be so comfortable around any of them. But I can tell they make you happy, and I can't deny you that."

Bella lay silently, but she was still listening carefully. I kept talking. "Back in high school, when they first left, there were all these parties in La Push. Bonfires, all kinds of celebrating. And I knew that you were hurting. I walked up to your house that night, you know. I arrived just as every one was leaving. And I was so angry because people were celebrating what had made you so sad. I felt so helpless." And I'm still helpless. I really wanted to break something, to vent all of that frustration that had lain dormant over the years.

"You were the only one who could help me then, Jacob. The only one. Nobody else came close to breaking through." She reached for my hand.

"This would be a lot harder for you if they weren't here, wouldn't it?" She nodded, but didn't speak. "Then however reluctant I am to say it, I'm glad they're here. I don't like it one bit, but I'm glad. That probably doesn't make any sense."

She shook her head. "I think I understand." She laughed. "Part of you thinks you're crazy for feeling that way. The other part knows better."

Her mind seemed far away. I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking about. She frowned then smiled as a wistful look flickered across her face. Was she still hoping he would make her one of them? I would kill them, every one of them, if it came to that. "Shhhhhh," she whispered, her eyelids closing slowly. Her grip on my hand relaxed. I wondered if this was what it would be like at the end as I watched her soft, steady breathing. I hoped it would be this easy for her. Something in her life should be easy, even if it was dying.


	15. Life Story

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**Life Story**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

I don't know how to do this. I've never been around anyone who died before. At least, not someone that I didn't kill to feed. This was different. I loved Bella. If Edward had just listened to the rest of us, listened to her, none of this would be happening now. How do humans deal with this? Death? The thought of never seeing the people they love again? Of ceasing to exist? Maybe it was easier for the others. They remembered their families, leaving them, losing them. They may remember others that they loved dying. Maybe the fact that I have no human memories made it more difficult for me.

It was even more difficult for Edward, so perhaps having lost people before didn't help. I was watching him carefully, looking into his future. I kept seeing him writing something, a letter, I think. Jasper could feel the turmoil of Edward's emotions. But neither of us were getting anything crazy or suicidal like we expected.

My thoughts returned to Bella, who lay sleeping soundly. I could hear her breathing. It was steady, regular. She might be weak, but she was hanging on. Her sleep was restless; she shifted and turned. Sometimes she spoke. More often than not, the things she said didn't make any sense. "No flying." What did that mean? "Too much noise." Is that what Edward had enjoyed about watching her sleep? Trying to figure out what on earth she was talking about?

Actually, I didn't really need to ask that. I'm sure what Edward enjoyed, besides merely basking in her presence, was when the things she said made sense. Like when she whispered, "I love you, Edward."

I wondered if she'd always talked to him in her sleep. Both Edward and the wolf seemed to hate her husband, but things like that were making me have second thoughts about him. It couldn't have been easy for him. I shook my head. Full circle. If Edward had just changed her twenty years ago.

She woke with a start then smiled when she recognized me sitting beside her. "Alice," she whispered. "How long have you been here?"

"For a while." I smiled. "You've been restless."

"It doesn't matter too much," she breathed. "I pretty much do the same thing whether I'm awake or asleep." She laughed and took a deep breath.

"If you could go back to before we left, would you still want him to change you?" I asked.

Her smile was the biggest I'd seen in days. "In a heartbeat."

"But you won't let him do it now?" I just didn't understand. How was it so different?

She laughed. "I don't think it has to do with 'letting' him. I'm sure I couldn't stop him if that's what he decided to do. But I don't want him to. Not now."

"Can you explain that to me, Bella? I just don't understand." She started to speak, but I cut her off. "And don't tell me how old you are. If you weren't sick, you wouldn't look old. And Edward could pretend to be older. Like those film stars who play teenagers until they're in their thirties. He'd be happy not to have to go to school. He _hates _going to high school."

"You _all_ hate going to high school," she grinned and waited for me to respond.

I nodded. "True enough. But we don't all have such wonderful excuses not to go."

"It's too late for that to work," she whispered, shaking her head.

"It's not too late if you're still alive," I argued.

She looked away sadly. "Perhaps, if you could promise that I wouldn't have any memories of my human life."

"Sure. We'll just schedule you some electric shock treatments, Bella. And if that doesn't kill you, then we can change you." It came out with more bitterness than I intended. "I'm sorry," I apologized. "I just don't understand."

"It's not something that's easy to explain," she whispered. "I can't imagine why it should be any easier to understand. And for you, because you've always wondered about your human life and been so fascinated by humanity and human rites of passage, it must seem crazy that I'd want to forget." I nodded and she smiled. "I have something for you, Alice." She pulled herself up to a sitting position. It was clearly a monumental effort. "It's in a box on the floor of the closet."

I retrieved the box, which was wrapped in shiny, hot pink paper. I ripped off the silver bow, unwrapping the present in a flash. Inside was a thick album. I looked at her, not understanding.

"You didn't have any memories of a human life of your own, so I thought I'd share mine. I always hoped I'd see you again, Alice. I made this for you a long time ago. I decided that if nothing else, I'd break into the house and leave it there for you. I'm glad I didn't have to do that. It means so much to me to be able to give it to you." She watched as I opened the cover. "I raided my mother's old photo albums to start from the beginning. And some of the old videos are on DVDs there, along with some newer things."

Her voice quavered, and I turned through pages of Bella's childhood. There were programs from ballet recitals tucked in with pictures of Bella and her mother. She'd even found a few pictures of her with Charlie. Occasionally a sleeve with a DVD would appear under a photograph, labeled carefully with dates and events. She included tickets, programs, postcards, letters, pages from a journal and photographs. Graduation, college, vacations, her wedding, everything, from her life, complete in one small collection. There were even some photos from the Fourth of July. Clearly, she'd kept it until now so that only the very end was missing.

I could barely look her in the eye. "It's the best I could do, Alice. I'd give you my memories, if I could. At least, the good ones." She smiled. "You'll have to let Emmett see those early DVDs. I fell a lot. It'll make him laugh." She was doing her best to hold back the tears. "Want me to go through it with you? In case you have some questions?"

No, I didn't want her to go through it with me. I wanted her to live. Or at least, to die becoming one of us. I wanted her to stay. I'd always wanted her to stay. But telling her that wouldn't help. So instead, I nodded and waited for her explain the bits and pieces of her life. The life she seemed so willing to give away.


	16. Vows

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**Vows**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

I thought that leaving her was the hardest thing I'd ever done. That was until now. Watching her die was next to impossible. I never thought it would be like this, watching her waste away, seeing her pain. Knowing that I could have stopped it. Could still stop it, if only she would allow me. I'd been so stupid. So stupid. I certainly hadn't helped Bella by leaving her. And now my family was going through the pain all over again as they lost her a second, a final, time.

What would I do when she was gone? Once, so long ago, when James had come after her, had tricked her into going to that dance studio alone, I'd made a plan. I'd decided that if James had killed her, if I couldn't save her, then I would die – or whatever it is that we do – too. I would go to the Volturi and beg them to kill me. Or provoke them somehow. But Alice and Jasper were watching me carefully. I'd never make it Italy. They'd stop me somehow. The Volturi weren't an option.

"I knew you'd eventually get bored with watching me sleep," Bella called from the bed. I turned to see her smiling at me. She patted the bed beside her. I joined her, happy to find her in good spirits. I had plans for today. In fact, I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of this sooner. I leaned in to kiss her, and she sighed contentedly. I held her hand in mine.

"You know," she said before I could gather the nerve to speak. "There's something I want to give you. But I need to explain it, so that you understand. So that it means what I want it to mean." I nodded and sighed. I had something for her, too. But I could wait. She could go first.

She reached for the bedside table, and I thought she wanted water. I lifted the glass, but she shook her head. Instead, she opened the drawer and pulled something out. She held it tightly in her hand, and I had no idea what it might be.

"You know that Renée left Charlie right after I was born, right?" I nodded. "Charlie never really got over that. It was clear when I moved back that he hadn't changed anything in this house. It was like she might decide to come back one day. I think he would have welcomed her with open arms. He didn't talk about it, but I know that he never stopped loving her." I'd never thought about how my leaving had been so much like what had happened with her parents. I wasn't quite sure why she was telling me this story now. "When Charlie died, he gave me this." She opened her hand. In it was a plain gold band. "He told me that he never stopped loving Renée." She swallowed. "I want to give this to you, Edward. Because I never stopped loving you. Not ever. And I never will."

She took my hand to slip the ring over my finger. Her hands shook and she dropped the ring. I managed to catch it before it hit the floor. "It has an inscription," I said.

Nodding, Bella smiled and whispered, "Forever." With the ring still in my hand, she guided it over my finger. "I love you, Edward. Forever. Death won't stop that, you know." I turned the ring around my finger. Surprisingly, it fit. Charlie must have been a smaller man in his youth.

I smiled. I could return her vow in kind. Exactly in kind. And contrary to my earlier beliefs, my planning was perfect. "I love you, Isabella. And I will love you forever." She smiled, at first. Then the shock registered on her face.

"How did you know?" she whispered as I slid the ring over her finger. It slipped off.

My mother's fingers hadn't been large at all, in fact, if Bella hadn't been sick, it would probably have fit her perfectly. Frustrated, I shifted the ring to her middle finger and finally to her forefinger before it fit securely. "I didn't know," I smiled. "I just knew what I wanted. What I've always wanted, from that first day in the meadow."

"It's such a beautiful ring, Edward," she murmured.

"It belonged to my mother. She would have been happy that I had found someone like you to love. You. Only you. Forever." The words rushed out. It was as if I had no control over anything I was saying. Bella pressed her finger against my lips and kissed me. It didn't matter to me that there was no legal or religious documentation. We had exchanged vows. Bella loved me. Forever. And I loved her. Forever. No contract on a piece of paper could make our relationship more real. No priest could make that vow more holy. As far as I was concerned, she was my wife. Forever. Nothing could change that.


	17. Denial

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**Denial**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

I brought Bella some weak tea and a fruit smoothie. Her food was mostly limited to liquids now. She was incredibly weak. When I opened the door, he was there. It was no surprise, he was in her room most of the time. He seemed never to leave. But this time I was surprised. Not only was he there, but he lay beside her on the bed, stroking her hair and whispering. A low growl erupted from my throat.

He helped her sit up as I lay the tray across her lap. He didn't speak. He stroked her back with his right hand as he propped her up. He held the teacup to her lips as she sipped slowly. That was when I noticed the ring. A wedding band.

_A wedding band?_ How could that be? He'd been in the bed with her. Had he? Bella's hand joined his on the cup. I could almost feel the electricity between them. She, too wore a ring, although it was on her index finger. I clenched my teeth as I felt my hands shake. This was out of hand, but my phasing out of anger wouldn't solve anything. I took a deep breath.

His voice was incredibly quiet when he spoke. "Bella, I believe Jacob would like some time with you. Without me here." He kissed her cheek then whispered, "He's noticed the rings, but I think he'd rather hear about them from you."

Bella reached for his hand and sighed. "Jacob, There's no reason to be angry. Edward and I exchanged rings last night. While there's obviously no legal recognition, I doubt we'd find anyone who would actually perform either a civil or religious ceremony. In the end, it's a rather moot point, I suppose." She looked into his eyes. "But we know what we feel. Please don't be angry, Jacob. Be happy for us. For me."

I didn't speak. I couldn't speak. What exactly did this mean?

Once more, he kissed her cheek. "Let me give you some time alone." She smiled and nodded before he disappeared through the window.

My tension eased as soon as he left. I wasn't sure what to say, so I didn't say anything. Bella grinned and nodded. "Jake. It's okay."

No, it's not okay. It's so not okay. I sat beside her and put my arm around her. "Did you plan this? Some kind of ceremony that you didn't tell anyone about?" You had to keep it a secret from me?

"It wasn't like that at all. I wanted to give him Charlie's ring," she said quietly.

"Why would you want to do that? Charlie hated him!" I couldn't hide my shock.

She shrugged. "That's true. But I love him. And that ring was from where Charlie married my mother, and he never stopped loving her, even after she left. So it was right for me to give it to Edward, because I never stopped loving him."

"So he left and came back with a ring?" I asked. "So he could reciprocate?"

"No. He'd already decided to give me his mother's ring. He had it with him." She teared up. "It was spontaneous, but I know what I feel. Nothing could make it any more real, give it any more meaning." She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. Then she opened them and looked directly at me. "I need you to understand this. There may be no legally binding ceremony, but as far as I am concerned, as far as he is concerned, what we exchanged last night made us husband and wife. It's a spiritual bond, and it's in my heart." The tears had started to flow. "But I need the people I love to accept that."

I breathed deeply. "It's a little sudden. And finding him there in the bed beside you was kind of a shock." I hesitated. "When you said what you exchanged last night, did you…" I couldn't say it. How could he be so selfish? She was so weak.

She laughed. "Jacob, really! I can barely sit up. I don't think either of us could appreciate it much. And of course, there are other complications, even if I weren't so weak." She gave me a sheepish look. "He just lay beside me, he kissed me, rubbed my back. He talked to me. Pretty dull wedding night for him, wouldn't you say?"

That was a relief. "Did you sleep? At all? You need your sleep." I held my lips rigid.

"I slept about as much as I usually do. It's always off and on, you know that." She sighed and leaned back against the pillow. "Jacob, this is a good thing. I'm happy."

What did this mean? Did he plan to wait until the end and change her? Had she agreed to that? She'd wanted it before, but couldn't make him do it. Would that change now that he considered her his wife? Would she tell me? She expected me to say something. I took her hand and whispered. "I'm glad for you." It was the best I could do. I _was_ glad she was happy. But I could never be happy for him. That it was _him_ who made her happy.


	18. Meeting of the Minds

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**Meeting of the Minds**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

My family filled her room. It was so small. The seven of us filled it. The wolf was there, too, stinking up the room by just standing in the doorway. Lucky for her she couldn't smell it. Edward sat by her bed holding her hand. Emmett and Alice sat with them. They'd been working on changing her mind, but so far, she hadn't budged. It struck me as strange, really. She'd wanted it so much before. I glanced at Jasper, who stood to the side, his face somber. The emotions must be killing him. Carlisle and Esme stood aside together. He held her hand as her worried glance wavered between the girl and Edward.

I've never had much sympathy for her before, but I admired her strength right now. I'd heard what she'd been through. She was tough, I'd give her that. She'd seen enough sadness for more than one lifetime.

Edward blamed himself for all of it. Some day he'll get over that God-complex of his. When he was at home, which was rarely, he brooded and castigated himself for not changing her when he had the chance. He could still do it, but he wasn't about to change her if she didn't want it. Emmett was worried. He was afraid Edward might do something drastic, although what was more drastic than holing himself up in some filthy, rat-filled attic in a Brazilian slum, I couldn't imagine.

I watched as Carlisle and Esme approached the bed, and Esme leaned over to kiss the human girl she'd come to think of as her daughter. She lost an infant as a human and this was bringing those old feelings up. She could never stay long when we came to visit as a family.

Jasper sent another wave of calm over the room. I think he'd given up on making anyone feel better about the situation and had simply resorted to keeping the edge off everyone's emotions. He approached Alice and placed his hand on her shoulder. Alice was taking this almost as hard as Edward. Jasper knelt beside Alice and gazed into her eyes for a moment. They always seemed to read each other perfectly, even without a gift like Edward's. Alice nodded, said her goodbyes, and left with Japer, who wrapped his arm comfortingly around her.

That left Emmett, Edward and me. I noticed her urging Edward to feed. Reluctantly, he acquiesced. He didn't particularly like hunting with me, but clearly, he preferred leaving her with Emmett. He glanced my way. "Emmett hasn't fed in a while himself. The two of you should go."

Edward frowned and Emmett gave me a wary look. She looked unnerved. Had I truly been that hard on her? I walked to the bed and sat beside her. "Go on guys." Emmett patted Edward on the back and Edward looked protectively over his shoulder. Bella smiled and nodded in his direction. That seemed to persuade him, and he and Emmett escaped through the window.

I'd finally realized Edward did love her, but he'd certainly screwed things up. Not just for his human, but for everyone. The whole family was suffering all over again. Bella looked at me expectantly. I suppose she'd figured out I had something to say to her, so I might as well say it. "I understand. None of them do, but I understand."

Her brow furrowed and she shook her head. "That's right, I said that I understand. There are some good things about humanity. Things that I miss." I met her gaze. For once, she didn't flinch. "There's a balance, I suppose. If I had never become a vampire, I'd have never met Emmett. That's difficult for me to imagine, really. He's such a part of me now." I lowered my head, glancing away from her. She had an intense stare for a human. Especially one so weak.

"In all the time Edward has been a vampire there has never been anything to balance this life for him. Not the way Emmett balances it for me." I thought about how my life had changed since Emmett had joined my family. "Edward might have been all right if he'd never gone on that rebellious phase of his. But he did. I never knew him before that, but I think that changed him. That's when he met the monster in himself, and he's never been able to let it go."

I knew the monster. I'd seen it in myself. But I'd also been able to see myself, at least a little bit, through Emmett's eyes. As far as he was concerned, I was still the angel who sat with him those three days when he thought he was in hell. "Recognizing the monster in himself is what kept him from understanding when he first met you. Kept him from seeing anything but the horrific aspect of changing you. While I couldn't understand choosing this life, I could understand choosing someone you wanted to be with you forever. It was easier for me, with Emmett, because he was dying. There wasn't time for me to feel guilt and indecision." I shook my head. "But you know Edward. He over-thinks everything and comes to the wrong conclusions more often than he's willing to admit." She grinned. She knew exactly what I was talking about. She was living the consequences of his stubbornness.

"That's why I thought he must not really love you, because the decision was so simple: change you. Since he refused to do that, it just seemed like you were a trifle, a passing phase, a distraction. Goodness knows, eternity can be boring and anything that spices things up is welcome." I eyed her, still wondering what could be so special about her. What was it that bound him to a mere human? "He once accused me of seeing the world through Rosalie colored glasses, since I didn't understand how he felt about you. It wasn't until after we left and my family nearly fell apart that I realized how much he really did care for you. How much losing you affected him."

She listened carefully, never taking her eyes from my face, never interrupting. "He really did want you to have a good life, and he assumed that would just happen. He always knew _he'd _be miserable, but he thought things would be better for you. Learning what you've been through has really made him question everything, every decision he's ever made." Part of me was glad he'd learned his lesson, but I wasn't cruel. I felt sorry for him, that both he and this girl should suffer so much in order for him to learn that lesson. "He's always thought he was so infallible. Finding the person you love in pain and dying, that's a pretty shocking way to learn that your self-perception is flawed to an extent to which you could never even conceive." She sighed, barely stirring the air, her face nearly expressionless.

"Then to face losing you again, and everything that _that_ means." I did feel sorry for my brother. I couldn't imagine what losing Emmett would be like. He made this life bearable. "And the things that make your decision different now are things that Edward has no way to really understand. When Carlisle changed him, he'd already lost his parents. He'd had a fairly idyllic life right up until he and his parents died. The remorse he carries with him came through his choices as a vampire rather than his choices or his circumstances as a human." Not like hers. Not like the horrors that she'd survived, one after the other.

"Obviously, we all have some regrets." She listened intently. "Alice regrets not remembering anything, but sometimes I think she's lucky to only know her life through historical research. I can't imagine what she must have felt as a human when they locked her up in that place. I doubt if she'd be so happy if she remembered." Her eyes darted away for the first time since I'd begun to speak. She understood exactly what I meant. "Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle have all come to terms with any human guilt and disappointment. With losing their families. Even me, I have my own circumstances and I choose not to dwell on them." And I didn't need to share them with her, now. I could do this without bringing any of that into it.

I waited for her to meet my gaze again before speaking. "Esme is probably the one who could most relate to your situation. She hated her life so much she tried to end it. Sometimes she gets a pensive, sorrowful expression and I believe she's thinking about something from her human life. Of course, Carlisle couldn't have prevented any of her sadness. Even though he'd met her before, he couldn't very well have bitten her when she broke her leg. And Edward, had he made this choice earlier, well, you wouldn't have to choose between dying or living for an eternity with the kind of pain you know inside. Human memories fade, but they don't just disappear into thin air. And some are stronger than others." With a shrug, I added, "I don't know that she'd actually be able to help you. She isn't exactly unbiased here, about you or Edward." Poor Esme. She was so sensitive. Jasper would have his work cut out for him for some time. For once, I was glad I didn't have any abilities like that.

"What I'm trying to say, Bella," I spoke her name purposefully. It was the first time I had ever used her given name to address her. She realized it, too, her lips parting briefly from the grim line they had formed earlier. "I know everyone else in my family is trying to change your mind or make the decision for you. And the wolf, he's feeling exactly the opposite for his own reasons. His instincts tell him to hate us as much as ours tell us to hate him. Everyone is telling you what they think you should do." She looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to dictate what I thought her choice should be. "The thing is, it's your choice. We can all weigh in on one side or the other, but it's your life, your death, your eternity. It's a choice none of us had the opportunity to make for ourselves. Even with hindsight, none of us can say for _sure_ what we would have chosen. Except, maybe Emmett. But neither choice is wrong. I think you needed to hear that from someone, and I may be the only person to tell you that it's all right for you to say no to becoming a vampire. Not because it will destroy your soul or turn you into a monster, but because it's what you _choose_."

I waited for her to speak, but she didn't. Instead, she smiled weakly and took my hand. Her palm in mine felt so warm. We sat in silence for some time. I suppose neither of us knew exactly what to say. Finally, she whispered, "Thank you, Rosalie. I'm glad you stayed." Her eyes closed and she drifted into sleep. But I would stay. At least until Edward returned. And I would fight them all to support her decision if it came to that.


	19. Fighting Fate

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**Fighting Fate**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

Bella was so stubborn, and that was saying something. I was used to Edward and Rosalie, but she could give either of them a run for their money. Maybe even teach them something. It seemed that every ounce of physical strength she'd lost had manifested itself as sheer mental determination.

"Why won't you let him do it? None of us care how old you are. We can work with it, you know. People believe what records say. Jasper's a master at documentation." I grinned, although I knew there was something more to this decision than vanity. I just wasn't sure what.

"It's not that easy," she murmured.

I didn't understand. Her decision didn't make any sense at all to me. "Why isn't it? Edward loves you; you love him. It shouldn't be that difficult at all."

She closed her eyes, but that didn't stop the tears from escaping between her lashes. "For such a long time I thought he didn't love me. Had never loved me."

"Where on earth would you get that idea?" I shook my head. That made no sense at all.

Her next words left me stunned. "Because that's what he told me when he left."

"I always wondered what he told you," I whispered. I couldn't begin to imagine how she'd felt. Perhaps if her life hadn't been so sad, it wouldn't have mattered. But she hadn't even had the memory of his love. He'd taken even that from her. At least he'd known, the whole time, that she'd loved him. "I'm sorry, Bella. You know he didn't mean it, don't you? That he did it to protect you?" That didn't change the fact that he had failed miserably. It hadn't worked the way he planned at all. For either of them.

She smiled and nodded. "I know now, but I had no idea then. No idea at all really, until the day Jacob brought me to your house. Even then, it took a while for me to be sure. And it was so much harder because he didn't leave anything behind, not so much as a photograph. Sometimes I thought I was crazy, you know. That it made more sense that I'd lost my mind than to believe that he, or any of you, were real."

I'd never even thought about that. We always destroy any traces of ourselves, but usually we didn't leave behind a person who knew, really _knew_, the truth. We left before most people figured it out. But it was so different with Bella. How alone she must have felt all those years. And for her, they were a lot of years. The doubt she must have had about her own experience. It hurt to listen to her explain, and I suspected it would have been worse if I'd pressed for details.

"Of course, if I'd actually gone to a shrink, they'd have institutionalized me. The only person I could talk to about it was Jacob, and sometimes that was more difficult for him than it was for me. And if he weren't a werewolf, I couldn't have talked to him. I think he kept me from going insane." She paused and shrugged. "I went up to the house a few times. I was scared to look in the windows. I was afraid. If it was empty, it wouldn't have helped either way. And seeing everything there, left behind, like me…" Her lips trembled. "I couldn't face either reality. Not until the day Jacob took me up there, and by then, I knew I was dying. I knew I wouldn't have to live long with my answer, whatever it was."

"But neither of those was the right answer. You left out the third option: that he loved you no matter what he said." I had to make her understand.

Her dark eyes appeared hollow. "He took that option away from me when he left, Emmett. I believed him."

"He wanted to make everything better, but he just ended up making everything worse, didn't he?" She didn't answer. I knew it was because she'd just have to agree with me. Perhaps if she knew the whole truth. "Bella, he didn't handle leaving you well. You can't imagine what he was like when I found him in Rio. You have no idea. He was empty. He's been empty ever since, until he found you here. And when…" I took a deep breath and turned to face the wall. I couldn't even look her in the eye as I said it. "When you die, we'll lose him, too. There won't be any way to stop it." I faced her again, ashamed of myself for being so selfish, after what she'd been through, was still going through.

She looked at me with such sorrow. "You have to stop it, Emmett."

"I don't know if I _can_ stop him. He's unpredictable. I'm not sure what he'll do." I lowered my head. "I tried to think what I would do if something happened to Rose. I'd want to die, but that's not easy for us." I looked into her eyes. "But you can stop him. All you have to do is let him change you."

"It's too late. I can't, Emmett. For so many reasons." She swallowed with some difficulty. "I think I know what he might try, though." She held my gaze. She wasn't going to allow me to look away again. All I could do was listen. "He told me once, after Phoenix, that he'd made plans if I died. He talked about some vampires in Italy. He said they were like a royal family."

"The Volturi? He'd go to them?" My brother had clearly lost his mind. Surely Bella was mistaken. "He'd think about joining them?"

She frowned and shook her head. "I don't think that's what he meant. He seemed to think they might kill him. If that's what he plans, you have to stop him, Emmett. I don't know if anyone else can. You can't let him do that. Promise me, Emmett."

I lowered my head. I loved my brother. Whether Bella asked me or not, I would do my best to stop him from something like that. It was one thing for him to mourn, and he would mourn, but it was another thing for him to kill himself. I couldn't let that happen. "I promise, Bella. I'll stop him."


	20. Into the Breach

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**Into the Breach**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

We sat on the branches of the old driftwood tree on First Beach as I read the letter aloud to Sam. The bloodsucker had given it to me earlier that day. The anger made me shake. "I'm not sure how to take this." The waves were loud against the rocks, but I knew he could hear me.

"What does your instinct say?" Sam's voice was low and steady. His lips barely moved as he spoke, yet the words were clear, enunciated.

With my teeth clenched, I muttered, "My instinct says to kill the bastard." I balled my hands into fists. I hated that leech. He'd bled Bella's life like a parasite, even when he wasn't in it. The last couple of months couldn't make up for the lifetime of pain he'd left her to deal with.

Sam nodded. "So why are you talking to me?"

"I don't think Bella would appreciate it if I killed him. Even in something so simple, so instinctual, I wouldn't want to disappoint her." I shook my head. "Things are so mixed up. I told you that they exchanged rings, didn't I?"

His expression didn't change. "You mentioned it a couple of weeks ago. It shouldn't bother you. It's not legal."

"As far as she's concerned, it is. Or might as well be. All of them," I lowered my head into my hands. "I can't stand it. And every time I walk in there, I worry that one of them might have changed her."

"It would be hard to hide. From what I understand, it's quite painful. I'm pretty sure you'd hear it if you were anywhere nearby." His words were understated, reminding me of what I already knew. Not that any of us really had the details of what happened after the bite. We knew little of the cold ones' lore, bits and pieces here and there. Nothing certain.

I stared out over the water. I shouldn't be conflicted about this. "How would this affect the treaty?" I frowned. Why had my great-grandfather ever entered into such an agreement for the tribe?

Sam's calm response amazed me. I'd learned incredible control; I could restrain from phasing under almost any circumstances, but I'd never found that kind of tranquility. Maybe, because of Bella and the Cullens, it had always been too personal, too emotional. But Sam remained unmoved. "That should be our real concern, here. It could be a problem. We need to be prepared. I can take care of it, if you want me to."

I could tell from the phone's ring tone that it was Ellen. When I answered, she whispered, "You need to come home." A human couldn't have heard her words over the pounding of the waves, but it was more than loud enough for me. I just wished I hadn't heard it. Would never hear it. I shouldn't have left. What if they took advantage of my absence and changed her while I was gone?

"I'm on my way," I said. As I ended the call, I met Sam's eyes and nodded slowly. He stared back, unflinching, reassuring me. We would do what needed to be done.


	21. Redemption

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story takes place in an alternate universe and begins between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Like Stephenie's _New Moon _outtake, in this story, Jacob didn't come to help Bella guess what happened to him. She learned that he was a werewolf another way. Bella never jumped. Alice had no vision. Edward didn't return to Forks. Would Bella live the normal, happy human life Edward wanted for her?

_**Redemption**_

_Summer, 2026_

by silly bella

I was surprised when all of the wolves showed up. I shouldn't have been. I should have smelled them a mile away. But I was distracted. I hadn't seen Edward in two days. Alice had no read on him what-so-ever.

At least Bella had clued us in to the possibility of Italy. Between Alice running Edward's passports through the shredder and Jasper making sure that none of them – save the one in Carlisle's possession, hanging around his neck in one of those tourist passport pockets – would be valid, we felt fairly certain he wouldn't be able to act on any Volturi suicide plans. But we still weren't sure where he was.

He'd been there with Bella at the end. All of us had, along with most of the werewolf pack. I believe they wanted to make sure there was no last minute plan to change Bella into a vampire. I think if that many vampires and werewolves started infighting in that small of a space, the house would have fallen down. Bella had smiled for everyone, even though she was far too weak to speak. Edward held her hand as she fell into a deep slumber, and sometime in her sleep her breathing slowed to nothing and her heart stopped beating. Everyone in the room heard it.

Even the wolves watched in horror then, when Edward fell to his knees there beside the bed, his body heaving uncontrollably. The extent of his grief silenced the rest of us. Jasper made an attempt to ease Edward's pain. But Edward had flung Jasper's hand off his shoulder and hissed, "I want my feelings." After that, he looked up once and whispered, "Go. Leave us alone." We'd all filed out quickly with as little noise as possible, which was eerily silent for so many people. Granted, they were all vampires and werewolves, but it was still a little unnerving. He didn't notice.

Alice and I stayed behind, waiting outside for Edward to leave through the window. He slipped out of the house through the back door. None of us had seen him since. But he wouldn't miss the memorial. I scanned the woods looking for him, but I didn't see anything. I sniffed the air for him. I smelled the smoke on the wolves. And then I knew.

I lunged for the wolf, the one they called Sam. Surprised at my actions, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice held me back, Jasper with a hold around my torso and the girls at either side. The pack reacted by coming to stand behind Sam. "The treaty," Carlisle warned. I wasn't sure if he directed the words to me specifically, or if the warning included the wolves.

"The treaty's finished," I growled.

Before I could go on, Jacob stepped forward, holding a sheet of paper in my face. I recognized Edward's writing. What I saw stunned me. He'd asked for this? He wanted them to kill him? If death was the only way he could be with Bella, then that was what he wanted? I had failed Bella. He hadn't gone to the Volturi. He'd gone to the werewolves. "You did this, Jacob Black?" I snarled angrily.

"No," the one named Sam stated calmly. "I did. It's what he wanted. You saw him when she died. Did you really want him to spend eternity in that kind of anguish?"

Rosalie gasped. "Is he saying –" I nodded. A low rumble began in her throat, building to a roar of anger. She turned to me, "They killed him?"

"I killed him," Sam stated flatly. "The only other pack member who even knew about it was Jacob. He wouldn't do it because he didn't think Bella would have wanted it."

Esme gasped in horror. She loved us all, but it was no secret that Edward was her favorite. Carlisle looked stricken. He was torn between his duty, as leader of our coven, to protect his family and the treaty and his need, as a husband, to respond to Esme's emotional state. He'd already pushed his own emotions away to deal with later. Normally, it would be Edward who stepped forward to take this load off Carlisle. I reached for Rosalie before she could act.

"You haven't read his letter, Rose. Edward didn't want this to affect the treaty," I said with as little emotion as possible. I glanced back at Carlisle, who shot me grateful look. Rosalie, on the other hand, seethed with fury.

"We can't let them get away with this. If you won't do anything, I will." Her eyes were dark with anger. She didn't always like Edward, but she _did_ love him.

Alice murmured, "Why didn't I see this?" She repeated the words over and over until her mantra changed to, "I can't see anything." I wondered how he'd gotten around her. It didn't make sense. Beside her, Jasper was unable diffuse the situation, the mixture of anger and sorrow too much for him.

I ripped the letter from Jacob's hand and held it out to Rosalie. While she read it, I watched the wolves. They were amazingly calm. Prepared, I thought. Steady, while we were emotional. Ready for a fight. My family, on the other hand, was divided, distracted, and decidedly not in any position for battle. And Bella. We had come here to remember her. She'd want nothing to do with this fight.

"Now is not the time," I whispered to Rosalie. She looked up from the letter. Pain flashed across her face before she caught my eye and nodded. She steadied herself with a cleansing breath and turned to Alice. She held the letter for her to read. Jasper had already reacted to the ease in the tension.

I looked from Jacob to Sam and demanded, "What happened?"

Jacob spoke. "He gave me the letter the morning Bella died. He knew it was coming. He didn't want to exist without her. So he asked me to kill him."

"And you said no?" I asked.

"I refused, but only because I knew Bella wouldn't be happy with that decision."

Sam interrupted, "But I was willing to do it, as long as it didn't end the treaty. We met at the boundary of the Quileute land. We talked, and when he was ready, he crossed the boundary. He didn't fight, so it was quick. He actually seemed happy. He died bravely." Sam paused, taking a deep breath and giving a small nod. "Edward asked that we spread his ashes here with Bella's; there on the peonies." He met my eyes. "We treated him with respect. Not like the other vampires the pack has killed. We understood that this was different."

Jacob stepped toward Esme a little too suddenly. Carlisle moved in front of her protectively. "I mean her no harm," Jacob stated. He took one of her hands in both of his. "He asked me to give you this." He left something small in her hand, but her fingers closed over it before I could see what it was.

Next, Jacob turned to Carlisle. "I always wondered why my great-grandfather chose to make a treaty with you. Why he felt any of you mattered. I thought of you as monsters, no one different from the other except in basic appearance and abilities. I didn't believe you had emotions, and I certainly couldn't understand how Bella could love him; how she could care for any of you." He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. "But when she died. What I saw, not just in him but in all of you, it made me think. I don't know how different you are from the others, but I think I have a better understanding of why my great-grandfather agreed to the treaty."

Carlisle nodded as Esme leaned against him. She raised her hand to his shoulder, and I realized what Jacob had given her. The rings. She had placed them together on one of her fingers, the larger band that Bella had given Edward inside, held on by the smaller band Bella had worn.

"And the ashes?" I asked.

Two of the wolves entered the house. They returned, one of them with a container that was clearly from the crematorium. He handed the container to Jacob. The other carried an ornately woven cedar basket, which he handed to me. Together, we walked to the peonies. Only the lush green leaves remained. The flowers had died weeks ago, their petals scattered in the wind and rain. Jacob pushed the stems back, and we sprinkled the ashes near the roots, mingling them.

The wolves watched, almost like a military guard. They had truly cared for Bella. Jasper stood between Alice and Rosalie, calming them both, I knew. The shock might be over, but now we had all lost two people we loved. Jasper's emotions wouldn't get any rest any time soon. Esme still leaned against Carlisle, sobbing quietly. It may have been the werewolf who killed Edward, but it had been, for all intents and purposes, a suicide. With her personal experience, this had to be especially difficult for her.

When we had finished scattering the ashes, we stepped away. Jacob nodded, as did Sam, and the wolves turned and walked silently into the house to give my family time to mourn alone. Carlisle stepped closer with Esme and I found my own place at Rosalie's side. She was trembling with emotion, but she steadied when I placed my arm around her. We didn't speak at all for some time. Finally, Carlisle began to shift his gaze, catching first one of us, then another. He stared sadly at the peonies.

"Why couldn't I see this happening?" Alice whispered. Jasper held her tighter. "I can't imagine what he was feeling,"

Esme turned, her sorrowful gaze resting on each of us in turn. "I can."

Carlisle sighed, then, inexplicably, smiled. "Esme," he said loudly enough for us to know we were all meant to hear. "It isn't the same. It really isn't. When you tried to kill yourself, you were running away from something. But I don't think Edward was trying to escape anything. Edward was running _toward_ something. He took a chance that he might be with her in the only way left to him. He felt despair, but he also felt hope."

These words seemed to ease Esme's pain, and after a while, they walked away together. Jasper still held Alice. She and Edward had been so close, and she was the first of us to consider Bella family. Eventually, she raised her head, her eyes locking with his, and Jasper led her away. Only Rosalie and I were left. She kissed me and stepped a little way into the woods. She could tell that I wanted time alone.

I stepped close to the plants and remembered my brother's pain. I hoped that Carlisle was right. I thought about my promise to Bella. I had failed her, and I didn't like not keeping my word. I whispered, "I'm sorry, Bella. I couldn't stop him." But I couldn't help thinking, hoping, as I walked away, that Carlisle had to be right: it was the only way left for him to find Bella.


	22. The End

Yes, that's really the end. A good writer knows when to stop.

Thank you all for reading and sticking all the way through such a sad story. If you'd like to read one that's a little more uplifting, You might try _The Past Comes Back to Bite You_.

It begins with the same premise – Edward didn't come back the way he did in _New Moon_. Charlie couldn't stop Renée from taking Bella to Florida with her when Bella was catatonic. Bella married and had a child – the life Edward wanted for her. Then her husband died and Charlie was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Bella and her daughter move to Forks to take care of him. Edward passes through, brooding, and runs into Bella's daughter and is taken by surprise. The daughter complicates things considerably – especially since she has a crush on Edward, but Edward has always and will always love Bella.

You'll have to type out "fanfiction" before the .net for the link to work.

.net/s/3351658/1/The_Past_Comes_Back_to_Bite_You


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